How To Recognize Foolish Dreams

Seriously, only disorganized people say that

It had always been extremely important for me that everything must be in its proper place and position at all times. It is a part of me that I am not willing to compromise for anything or anybody whatsoever. Many friends and even Hubby attributed it to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) but for me, that was just too much grammar disorganized people use to justify their disorderliness. I mean, it just made more sense to return my cup or pen where you actually took it from, put my chair back the way it was, leave the heater on the table at the exact position you met it, return the lid of my cream jar, remove the hair from my comb after using, leave my slippers at the exact position you met it, close the door that was opened or simply lock the door the way you met it.

For me, it was simply unforgivable that you don’t leave things the exact way you met it, I mean, the absolute exactness. And because I come from a family where orderliness, neatness and precision to house details is overtly emphasized, there was nothing wrong with me. It was normal and I assumed everyone was brought up this way or grew up same way.

Hian! I had never been so wrong in my life.

Few nights back, Hubby came down with a cold and as usual, I became my fussy caring self and boy, did he milk it for all it was worth! I didn't mind however as I had just recovered from an illness myself and Hubby surprisingly was at his most caring (I was well aware though that someway, somehow and someday, I’d pay for all those attention he showered on me. But that was not important for now) so as a result, I had no choice than to take care of my better half as he did when I was down.

So on that fateful night, I got home slightly late from work and too lazy to eat remembering I read on WebMD that I fell under the overweight section and should watch my calories. So despite being slightly hungry, I chose not to eat and concentrated on feeding my dear Hubby. Having ensured he was well fed and at his most comfortable angle on the bed, I performed the final domestic ritual for the night -locked all doors, turned off all lights, took my shower and excitedly jumped into bed beside him. Earlier that evening, PHCN had answered the true names of their investors and gone ahead to make enemies of all Lagosians as usual. So we had switched on to the gen and because the light had not returned as at almost midnight, we assumed we’d be spending the night using the artificial light producer.

Our own is the biggest o

But as soon as I jumped into the bed, I heard the sound of the split unit come on signaling the arrival of PHCN. I grumbled a bit but remembered we had shared duties at home and his own tasks included turning on the gen and putting it off as at when due. And as a rule, once I’d taken my night shower and jumped into bed, omo, it will take baba ijebu jazz to get me off that bed as I don’t like to rumple my bed by moving in and out. For me, a well laid bed is very key (My OCD is extreme, trust me). And because he had become somewhat annoying within the few minutes of me hitting the bed, I was mutinous and had refused to stand to switch off the gen consoling myself that he was down with mere cold and standing to do his duty won’t hurt his nasal cavity. So I crawled under the duvet while he stood to switch off the gen and I promptly closed my eyes imagining the blissful night I’d have.

Another big mistake! Apparently, I hadn’t learnt my lesson after the hot cup of Milo & toast bread saga. You can catch up here.

As soon as I heard him open the door to switch off the gen, it crossed my mind briefly that “I hope he’d remember to lock the doors properly and turn off the lights o”. Because for some very strange reasons inexplicable to the gods and man, Hubby knows how to turn on switches but not turning it off. And once the sound of the gen went off, I tuned my ears very wide open to catch the sound of him locking the doors and turning off the light switches. But because I had somehow upset him due to a recurring annoying habit I had unbelievably exhibited in the past and on that night, he was upset with me and as he came back in to the room, I pretended to be asleep so he won’t start chastising me. Somewhere while pretending to be asleep, I must have dozed off, on a hungry stomach and with skeptical thoughts running through my mind on whether he locked the doors and turned off all the light switches.  

Boo says I look like an angel when I sleep, so yeah I maintain that's me

The first sign that there was a serious problem that just didn't fit was when I started hearing myself snore even while asleep. Wondering where the sound was coming from, I saw Mercy Johnson walking with a fast pace and I asked her why the school field was empty as everyone was supposed to be on the assembly ground. She hurriedly mentioned that I should hide as the lions are out and they are eating people that the schools are donating to them. Out of fear, I ran into a very small room and saw Tiwa Savage, Bruce Willis & a colleague of mine trying to come into the room but the door could not close. Because the room was so small, I knew if they come in, the lions will be able to fish us out. But I was somehow happy I was at the far end of the room thinking the lions would eat them first and should be full before it gets to me.

As I was getting comfortable where I was hiding, the door to the room opened and a lioness told us all to come out. At this point I was crying but the lion politely moved away from the door and asked me to come out. We were all arranged on the huge field in a single file. Suddenly, I thought of an idea that I should start coughing which I did and out of concern, the lion asked me to go back to the room (At this point, my snores grew louder and I am guessing even my snores were like “ahn ahn aunty what kind of stupid dream are you conjuring up that the lions are asking you to go because you are coughing when they can simply eat you and solve your cough problems”)

Anyway, while running back to the room I hid in the first place (you know what they say about how stupid dreams are and how foolish the people in the dreams can be, because I should have figured the room was not safe again) I saw my husband walking innocently in the dream beside one very hot chick (I naturally donated her to the lions. No woman is collecting my Hubby in my own dream) and I quickly called him to come into the room with me which he did. (I was glad to know he listens to me even when I was asleep and dreaming foolishly). As we were in the room, Lionel Richie opened the door to the room and said it was time for my husband to perform and while still asking what he was performing for since lions were all over the place, I felt hands all over my body searching for something while my snores grew louder and Lionel Richie and my Hubby were asking me accusingly where that noise was coming from.

With fear and panic, I turned around to find myself totally out of the duvet and snoring myself awake while Hubby was frantically searching for the AC remote with his eyes fully shut. I drowsily passed him the remote and knew what I had to do as I briefly glanced at the time on my phone and saw it was 2:15am.

When I was sure Hubby had slept back, I silently left the room, walked down the stairs, checked all the doors, sure I’d find them fully open with some goons waiting politely at the entrance wanting to take their belongings their forefathers worked for. I was relieved and happy Hubby disappointed my skeptical mind even though my sick OCD mind noticed the door mat was slightly skewed and the slippers at the entrance looked disarranged. All lights however looked like there were several auctioning sales going on at a huge trade center with manufacturers competing for the most luminous bulbs and fluorescent lighting. I calmly turned off all the lights as nagging by that time of the night would have been ridiculous and slightly psychotic since the recipient was not there to hear.

I walked into the kitchen, made myself a bowl of cornflakes and microwaved a piece of meat to go with the cornflakes and had a late night dinner (to hell with WebMD and their calories advice). I am not going back to that bed on an empty stomach and skeptical mind on whether the doors are locked and lights are off, to go and continue the lucid dreams of polite lionesses, talking lions and frolicking with major stars I haven’t even seen in real life.