I’m Married But I’m About to Cheat…..

This post is not intended to be a ‘Dear Aunty” post requiring advice or soliciting for people to try and dissuade the person involved. Neither is it a warning to treat underlying issues so as to avoid the next intended line of action.

I know this because when I spoke to the mutterer of this statement, she wasn’t asking for my permission neither was she asking to be advised. On the contrary, and considering I was very familiar with a resolute mind when I came across one, when I was seated across her and she uttered this statement after taking a sip of the glass of Pina Colada with a whisper of Rum in front of her, I knew the only thing I could ask for that may elicit an agreement was “Can I post on my blog and I won’t reveal your name?”

I wasn’t surprised when she smiled and said “Of course!” with a whiter than ever grin that I had always secretly envied and liked, even as a woman.

Nope, not her..

I deliberately lost touch with Ibukun (not real name) about 6 years back and I had tried my best to ensure we didn’t stay in touch. My decision was not based on Ibukun being a bad friend nor someone to be avoided at all costs due to bad habits.

Rather, I had to gradually phase out the friendship because without trying, Ibukun had the most influencing spirit around her. She was the kind of woman who didn’t need to try so hard to get people to agree to whatever she may be talking about or doing. She was so good at using the Socrates system of questioning to get anyone on her side. On several occasions, I’d found myself berating myself in private for agreeing with her on situations that go against my beliefs- behavioral or even political.

All she had to do was tilt her head to one side, smile lopsidedly and begin with “Why” then move gradually to “how”, “shouldn’t you”, “don’t you think”, And finally, "so you will agree with me that...".

I’ve been trying to remember when I was able to successfully disagree on her stance and had her concede. But it’s either my memory was so bad or she had always come out victorious. If I were a man, I’d say “She’s always had me by the balls”

It wasn’t just the looks and mien (another topic for another blog post). It was because Ibukun was a very good girl. In a very bad way, a femme fatale even for a woman like myself, and without seeming to try. She had that from the first day I met her till the last time I saw her and she probably will still have it when I get to meet her again, few weeks from today.

And by our next meeting date and if her stance from last week remains the same, she would have initiated her first phase of infidelity.

As a woman who had been blessed with a superior sense of objectivity at a very early age, I was able to acknowledge on time and after some few hang outs that Ibukun was a rare breed and a combination of what I always secretly wanted to dare to be. Where I aspired to be, she was there years before I got there – both financially, educationally and career wise.

Yes, few years back, I was a little envious of her achievements, career and oh yes, looks. So when she moved briefly to the States to further her education and career, I conveniently lost touch but kept her on my social media platforms. And occasionally when I got to see some pictures that made me want to question my achievements, either the newly acquired degrees or the fact that she lived in one of the most beautiful apartments in Los Angeles, I would quickly scroll past.

So on Valentine’s Day, when I saw a missed call with a number that looked like a specially requested digits, I was sure it was an authority figure. So I called back and after 3 rings, Ibukun picked up.

And just like that, she came back. Into my life, with a bang, in a blaze of regality and the ever influencing mien.

And with an admission rarely uttered in this part of the world.

(To be cont’d)