Untitled Article - Musings of a Writer with Title Block.

This is not me but erm, my hair is as long as that.

I have been told I have the face of a saint and the smile of an angel.

(At this point, beefers & haters will hiss or say hian) That is denial. Many of us live in denial. We don’t like to accept what is glaring to the sight and obvious to all and sundry. 

Majority is afflicted with this. But we have different ways of exhibiting it.

While some exhibit this denial by believing everyone who made it in life earlier than them is relying on luck, some believe that the reason they have not succeeded is as a result of some wrinkled elderly woman with black lips in their village. So every time they experience a setback, they are quick to point out that the black lipped woman once used her wrapper to rub their head when they went to their village 15years ago so their destiny has been altered.

People like that end up giving up the ghost with intense belief that if they hadn’t gone to the village on that New Year festival day, they would have been richer than Dangote and Adenuga put together.

That’s denial on another grandeur level.

So back to my saintly face and angelic smile, since many do not want to agree with the obvious, maybe we should look at the denial situation from another angle?

And yes, that was just a diversion. I have actually not been told anything of such aside from some beefers who seem to think I should maintain the facial scrub I am using due to the many evil spots suddenly appearing on my face.

But that’s by the by! Let’s leave my deceptive looks for a while and focus on the main issue.

Accepting certain situations require some measure of maturity, specific recurring experiences to nudge us out of our comfort zone and then, a deep reflection on past events. And while some of us may finally accept things for what they are, very many others may never reconcile certain situations and as a result, live the rest of their lives in denial, delusion and finally unending hope of something that has no intention of happening since the appropriate stuff was never put in its proper place from the get go.

An example of this can be traced back to 2011(that was the last election, right?) when people voted in GEJ as President despite the glaring non-performance and inexplicable tasks he did when he took over from Yaradua.

People still however voted for him to rule expecting a miracle for the second time despite no miracle occurring in the first place. What this means is that many individuals do not accept the truth but fortunately for me, I have realised faster that some situations will never change despite wishful thinking and less existing actions and I want to share a few of them.

1)      I’ve come to realise that no matter the number of tweets, Facebook confrontational chats, articles and open letters that would be shared on social platform, GEJ is going to win the next Presidential Election in 2015 as many youths would be too busy tweeting and chanting war tones via social media and crying foul and antagonising the government and ranting on about the election and it being rigged rather than actually turning off their phones, dressing up, going outside and voting in the right candidate.

2)     I have come to realise that I can never grow taller than I am right now, well except of course, with the help of a 6 inch heels. This realisation took a while for me to accept and that no amount of beans consumed will increase my height beyond the 5ft4 I actually am right now. (Fine!!! I exaggerated, I’m 5ft1)

3)     I have come to realise that revolution needs to take place in Nigeria before we can have leaders that will rule the country sincerely and passionately for the majority. Anything less than that and our leaders would keep taking us for granted, continuously steal public funds with no care as to the law effecting some retribution, and keep using public funds to better their personal lives while disregarding the actual needs of its citizens by rebuilding all its infrastructures and educational system. Our leaders need to have their illegally balanced life shaken to feel something genuine for the country. Simple as that.

4)     I have come to realise that Boko-Haram could actually be a terrorist gang created AND being funded by the Government themselves and until many of these government officials get to also lose relatives to these menace group, many innocent citizens are going to keep paying for the crimes and insensitivity of our leaders.(How the government can choose to negotiate with them is unbelievable)

5)     I have come to realise that my mum will never stop calling me “Shaki” despite my conversion to the more globally friendlier name, “Teju”. I am gradually beginning to suspect she does it on purpose, especially when visitors are around.

6)     I have come to terms with the fact that nobody can/will ever become the Governor of Lagos without Bola Tinubu’s approval and knowledge. The guy is now a god-father and I think GEJ and other politicians know that.

7)     I have come to realise that no matter how hardworking and transparent Fashola was and still is, many Lagosians will never like him. And this is not because his performance is not glaring to all enough, it all boils down to people living in denial and believing there is a human mirage somewhere that can perform better than him and more importantly, I am gradually sensing that some people actually benefited from the lawlessness that once permeated Lagos and Fashola bringing orderliness to Lagos streets has rubbed many of their ill-gotten wealth or their previous beliefs that they are above the law have been curbed. So no matter how much development we can now see in Lagos, some people are just blinded by misplaced hate and will never like BRF. I am still wondering why those people have not moved back to their villages to start their companies and become local champions and leave Lagos for those of us that have no issues conforming to the set rules. Simply put, if you are lawless and rebellious, you can’t live in Lagos.

8)     I have come to realise that my husband will never know how to cook or lay his bed. And no matter how many times I whine about it, nag, sigh, or cajole with tibi, some things will never happen from him. Ever!

9)     I have come to realise that I am never going to have Nicki Minaj or Kim Kardashian’s body. (Don’t laugh please. A girl’s gotta dream. Imagine me with Kim’s Arsenal. Dayuuuuum.)

10)  I have come to realise Harvard University will not be cutting down on their tuition fees anytime soon for my sake despite the series of mails I have sent to them asking for payment consensus. (Snobbish school. #yinmu#)

11)   I have come to realise that we are never going to know who killed Funsho Williams or Bola Ige and a thousand and one others who have lost their lives in the struggle for emancipation of the Nigerian folks as the government is not going to want to investigate on one of their own.

12)   I have come to realise that I am never going to like Financial Accounting with all its income statement and cash flow gibberish…… Never! When I become rich, I am going to hire my own accountant.

13)  I have come to realise that Nigeria would only attain true democracy when life sentences get attached to corruption and money laundering crimes, just like in some countries. Until our leaders believe these crimes have actual consequences whereby all their stolen assets will be frozen while in jail and they will not be having any entitlement to run for public post after their sentences, status will remain quo for corruption and money laundering in Nigeria. Not for the media to rave about it for days end like they did with the likes of Dimeji Bankole, Gbenga Daniel, Farouk Lawan, & Omisore who they think we have forgotten about and whose cases have died and have long been buried with no reprimanded outcome. (We are just too complacent as citizens with the current sad state of the country)

14)  I have come to realise that Idris Elba (oh yummy), Ryan Gosling (oh boy! That voice), Jonathan Meyers (shudders) and Chris Hemsworth (Oh my days! Those eyes!) are never going to know of my existence and fall madly in love with me as I had always envisioned it in my dreams. *wails*

15)  I’ve come to realise that it’s too late for me to be a pilot, or a sky diver, or a ballet dancer. (Yeah, I just needed to type that. I have never been interested in any of these gymnastic acts jare. And yeah, flying a wingless plane is a miraculous gymnastic act mehn.)

16)  I’ve come to realise I will never be a size 8 again. (Yeah right! Like I ever was!)

17)  I’ve come to realise that Hubby will never spend less than 40mins in the restroom before preparing for work. (He has said he deliberates and communicates with all his ancestors while in there on the state of the nation and what can be done as way forward, hence the delay. Kpsheew. I shouldn’t have gotten him that tab)

18)  I have come to realise that I have an acceptable level of interest in politics and I have a feeling I may venture into politics someday. There is this burning need in me to right some or all the wrongs done to our nation and with my ability to motivate people, I just may be the one to initiate revolution in Nigeria. (Abeg wipe that scorn off ya ugly face. Don’t underestimate me o. I am a renowned motivator and self-starter and can ginger people to do stuff, forget story. So I am just trying to prepare myself because once I begin, there will be no turning back.)

19)  I have come to realise that the danfo drivers in Lagos are actually part of Lagos and no one will be eradicating them anytime soon so I have promised myself to give them all the respect they deserve on the streets of Lagos.

20) I have come to realise that I am actually not as superbly brilliant and intelligent as I used to presume I was. (Trust me, I am not trying to eat the humble pie. I used to be so arrogant about what I know that I was certain there were times I have floated rather than walked but I have now met so many people in the past few years that I now know It was a case of a one eyed king…..abeg, no offense to old friends o. loool)

21)  I have come to realise that I am never going to pay tithes to any church. (Yesterday, I heard a church tell its members that if they don’t pay tithe, God will not answer their prayers. Talk about transactional system of worship as I could have sworn one’s religion and relationship with God ought to be a transformational one. But anyway, that’s another story for another day.)

22) I have come to realise that one’s reputation will always precede one’s path in life. Your knowledge, experience, actions, attitude, ethics, culture, behaviour will always be assessed at all times and when the time comes, it will either work for you or against you. The choice is actually yours. Create your brand NOW. (It may already be too late for some people though.)

23) I have come to realise that Jagaban will never smile on a Monday morning. Or Sunday evening, which comes before Monday morning.

24) I have come to realise that eating beans few hours before going to bed will never be a wise idea, well, except I am on a revenge mission against hubby for his domestic challenges. (The evil minded will understand what I mean)

25) I have come to realise that people only get to appreciate other people after they are dead. Appreciate people while they are in your life and for God’s sake, spend some of your money while still alive and stop saving all you got for a future that is unforeseen. Don’t live in misery for an unknown future that may never come.

26) I have come to realise that nothing beats experience, not even knowledge. Experience is the mother of it all. I have also realised that our parents most times already know what the future holds for us when it comes to major milestones. They may not be right all the time but most often than not, their intuition and instincts let them know some of our decisions are for keeps or for kicks. Listen to them. (Patience Ozorkwor and Kanayo .O. Kanayo does not apply here abeg)

27)  I have come to realise that I will always be impatient, intolerant and an intellectual snob. I have actually tried so hard to relate with the less intellectually privileged but it’s just so hard. *wails* and sadly, many do not elevate their intelligence because they do not read. (That is the next topic I will be writing on, well, the next after the next actually)

28) I have come to realise that I am not against abortion and the death penalty. The population in this world is too much anyway which is why there are so many psychologically sick people roaming everywhere hiding under different mental names, so if someone is a threat to many in the society, then by all means, I have a sharp knife. Do we dice, slice or bury alive? (Looool *na play o*)

29) I have also come to realise that regarding the Anti-Gay law, I am in Aye. (trust me, you don’t want to start an argument on this one. My opinion, my business)

30)  And finally, I have come to realise that the reason racism is still in everyone’s immediate memory and still being talked about is because we talk way too much about it and go on and on about the ancestral pain inflicted on our fore fathers and over read and over analyse any causation and correlation between two people with different body colour and orientation. Simply put, we dwell too much in the past. If it is not being revamped via social media when a white bodied mail scoffs at a black bodied female for saying pounded yam is better than coconut rice which makes people start saying he scoffed because she was black, then it is because we are still making films regarding slavery. Let’s move the f**k on!!! I really couldn’t be bothered whether someone does not like me due to my skin colour as it will be ridiculous for someone to throw racist remarks at me in my own father’s land (nigba ti ko shiere). If you don’t like how you are being treated in a continent, get out of there and go to another part of the continent where you will be accepted. No one is a tree. Move! There is no place like home and nowhere will you feel more welcome than home. Let’s stop over flogging a dead horse. And come on, really speaking though, our ancestors sold us to slavery. Foreigners didn’t just waltz into our country and took us hostage. They used some of us to get most of us. And really sef, if they hadn’t taken some of us as slaves, will many be claiming to be of American descent or “I’m British”? So at least something strangely good came out of it; a red or green passport! And even after independence, our leaders are still using some of us as touts, terrorists, hooligans, murderers to get rid of one another. Different countries with the same social issues but different ways of leadership. So enough with the slave movies please!

N:B: All reflections are solely the author’s and interpretations of native terms used within the post are explained below.

Beefers: Someone envious of one's progress. This person could be a fantasy or a mirage as the average Nigerian is of a strong belief that the next person is envious of him/her however having not accomplished much.

Hian: A native phrase replacing “tufiakwa”, which is another native phrase replacing “na wah”, which is another native phrase that has no meaning but to convey drama.

Dangote, Shaki & Adenuga: Three Influential Nigerians contributing hugely to the country's GDP. (Fineeeee, I will move my name down)

Shaki - A native name, shortened for Shakirat, given to me as a baby and which I was addressed for the better part of my life projecting my Islamic background.

Teju - A name showing my Yoruba background and which I am currently being addressed as, except by my mum who have refused to move with the jet age.

Bola Tinubu - A former governor of Lagos state, and emphasis on former, but who is still a very powerful tool in the politics of Lagos. We call him the Jagaban of Nigeria.

GEJ - I am guessing we all know who this is.

Lagosians - Residents of Lagos contributing to the mass population of the luxurious city.

Fashola - A God-sent Governor who I am unashamedly biased towards. Unlike many Lagosians, I am not amnesic and I remember vividly the decrepit state Lagos was before he became the governor and I am immensely appreciative.

Tibi - *clears throat* Erm, next please

Yinmu - An act of raising one side of the nose to show scorn and disbelief.

Funsho Williams - A strong gubernatorial candidate who contested in Lagos but was killed before that could become a reality.

Bola Ige - A lawyer who was suspected to have been murdered by we know who.

Dimeji Bankole, Gbenga Danel, Farouk Lawan & Omisore - Former public seat holders who have all been tried for fraud, bribery, money laundering and somehow are not in jail as expected but walking around free and still in possession of all accused amount.

Jare - A native word used to express a polite non chalant attitude.

Jagaban – The one who is not to be named which only the members of the Kabal will know.

Kpsheew - A vernacular to mean hissing or a more globally accepted code, *kmt*

Abeg - A vernacular word for *Puleeeeeeeze*

Patience Ozorkwoh & Kanayo O Kanayo - Two major actors in Nigeria that almost always play evil roles with Patience as a wicked mom or mom in law who frustrates her son in law or daughter in law or Kanayo .O. Kanayo playing the role of a man who wants to get rich at all cost or marry his kids out to rich folks. lol

Na play o - This is a vernacular term for *just kidding*

Nigba ti ko shiere - A term to mean someone dares not try something when he/she is not insane.

Sef:  Basically has no meaning but the Yoruba language is a very dramatic one so you will discover that there are lots of meaningless words and phrases in the language used to reflect the dramatic approach to relating some situations. You may come across words like; “ehen”, “o ga o”, “yepa” “haaa”, “haba”, “yeee”, “iro o”, “lotooo”, “o ma se o”. They are all dramatic phrases. Without them, no Yoruba story is complete.