Aso-Ebi: Famous Custom or Infamous Curse?

Without the use of jazz or Indian magic ring, that's how I spent over a million naira on Aso-Ebi between the months of January & December 2013. (Yes, I said a million naira. Na you sabi if you don't believe I can have a million naira o.) When I saw the bill my fashion designer (The razz ones will say Tailor) sent, omo, fear hold my body o. I then made a vow that, come December 31st 2013, I will be done with Aso-Ebi. So help me God.

The Aso-Ebi syndrome, otherwise known as Aso-Ebi madness has eaten deep into Nigeria society so bad that there is now a phrase to emphasize the importance of Aso-Ebi at any gathering and it goes, “o wo ankara, o je semo". 

And the importance of buying Aso-Ebi and actually wearing it cannot be over emphasized, as you will get totally ignored or will only get the same form of treatment that local drummers get at wedding scenes. It's as if a kind of meeting is usually held before the wedding informing the servers and other hostesses of the wedding that those not wearing the Aso Ebi should be ignored or not given any special treatment. 

I was at a wedding function some time ago and I am not exaggerating when I say I took the wedding gift intended for the couple back home. This was because the table I sat was totally and absolutely ignored from all the fanfare as no one on the table was wearing the chosen Aso-Ebi. The ones that later got to eat actually fought for their wedding proprietary right to eat. The gift I got for the couple was extremely expensive(and anyone who knows me well knows this is my turf, giving classy gifts), and when it was time to leave,(after waiting for hours to be sure it’s not that I was invisible and no one was coming to ask whether I want even mere water), I simply walked out with my gift. Call it petty but that wedding was undeserving of any kind of gift. And apparently, it was obvious the younger sister to the bride's mother had been told to give total attention to the people adorning the Aso-Ebi and ignore all other guests.

As if that is not depressing enough, some evil people now choose more than one type of Aso-Ebi for just one wedding. Just one wedding!!! If that is not wickedness having to grade your guest’s wallet depth and letting everyone know where each guest’s grade falls, then pray do tell what can surpass the unnecessary hype and importance attached to grading your guest by the Aso-Ebi category they fall.

The first set of Aso-Ebi is usually for those that are considered first class guests and they get that same first class treatment and even have a table reserved for them specially. This will range between N25000-N30000. Then there will be the slightly moderate one that falls between N15000-N20000 for the second class guests that are not so buoyant.

However, so as not to seem unreasonable, they then make some sort of concession for the “broke guests” to make them feel they belong to the Aso-ebi family, by making a set of Aso-ebi available and this will fall between the ranges of N3500-N5000. And because the organisers for each wedding are already aware of the most expensive material, the adorners of the 25000-30000 are given extra preferential treatment and eat every meal & drink available at the wedding function.

As a rule and no matter the closeness I have with the couple, (except in extreme concessional cases) once a couple hints to me on the different Aso-ebis’ available, but  depending on your status, I know I will not be attending. It not only gives the wedding a rather confusing and rainbow look, it defeats the purpose of the wedding which is supposed to be fun and simply for guests to come, mingle easily and celebrate with the couple with no resentment attached. But once guests come to wedding and start looking around to see some set of people getting Chinese rice while they are being served Jollof rice with no fish added to their goat meat and another set taking champagne while theirs have only bottled cokes to boast of, it sets the couple up for resentment that is not worth it.

To now make it extremely worse, you attend some weddings where every table is labelled according to the group of guests being expected, and after going round the hall searching for available seats, you discover you do not fall under any category. And when you manage to request from some table’s occupants if you can squat with them, they practically snarl at you on the audacity to even consider sitting with them, and are quick to remind you the seats are reserved only for some set of people that may have not even left their homes.

Shockingly and most ridiculously, some weddings now take time to announce important guests and request for guests to stand to acknowledge them. At times I get confused on whether I am at a wedding function or a political arena? They even go as far as bouncing some guests off the table they have managed to acquire so the “important guests” can have their seats while the bounced guests can sort themselves out however they like.

I have a friend that does not bother to attend weddings where she is not an organiser or even a family member. And I have decided to adopt that process by January 1 2014.

Wedding ceremonies are now political and status conscious and more of how influential you are during the preparation of the wedding. The closer you are to the couple, the higher your chances of being attended to fairly at a wedding.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not against Aso-Ebi(I love the colourful representation on the D-day), but once it becomes a yardstick for how guests will be treated, then it is a No-No for me. And also, since weddings are on-going ceremonies that will keep happening for as long as the world exists, I am of the opinion Aso-ebis need not be unreasonably expensive that every intended guest cannot afford it. Once you extend an invitation to someone, it can be assumed you want them at your wedding, and that means ensuring optimum ease and comfortability for the intended guests. Little wonder people do not consider it necessary bearing gifts for the wedding function, and we cannot blame them considering all the funds have been spent on buying and sewing the Aso-ebi.

Ironically, after complaining bitterly on how deep the cost of Aso-ebi has eaten into her account including the cost of sewing the Aso-ebi, one of the numerous ladies usually found in abundance at every wedding function, will still plan her upcoming wedding and choose some Aso-ebi that will make her own friends also groan and the cycle continues like that.

On the guarantee and ratio of the wedding transforming into a lasting marriage despite all the ” senrenres” performed & engineered towards the wedding ceremony itself, is another story entirely, which I will leave another blogger to write on.

N:B – Apologies in advance to all intended brides getting married beginning & beyond 2014 that I will not be buying Aso-ebi anymore(excepting  of course Seun, Duchess, Pelumi, Joy, Kenny, Vivian, Grace, Ronke,Fiyin, Sope, Tayo, Tope, Shade, Ebi, Tolu, Dayo, Tamara, Ebere, Bimbo, Jumoke, Deola, Tobi, Sike, Kemi, Ife, Temitayo, even Osubare, oh crap! This resolution is never going to work, is it?????)

Native words/Phrases used within the artice:

"Na you sabi" - A phrase emphasizing the level of your indifference to any opinion contrary to the one mentioned above.

“omo, fear hold my body o”. – A phrase meaning you were scared shitless by the information received.

“Aso-ebi” -A word that literally means “clothes for the relatives” but has now been rephrased to mean "clothes for those that can afford it and want to be treated specially at any wedding event they find themselves

“O wo ankara, o je semo” - Simply means, "if you ain't putting up the clothes being sold by us, the celebrant/couple, don't expect to be given any food and consider yourself lucky if you get even mere water. Souvenirs are totally out of it in case you are unaware. Hey, why don't you just stay at home since you didn't buy the material we are selling? Thank you"