Na wah for people
o, especially us, Nigerians. Una too like awoof.
Habatically!
When I spent
hours coming up with articles to paste on my blog just to make people laugh, na beg
we take beg o say make una read. Na by force sef the blog views dey take reach
500 per day.
When I write
funny blogs (abi iz not funny nii?) to make everyone laugh and drown the stress
of Nigeria, hian! Una no gree. And it’s not like it’s my fault if your problems
are far outweighing my funny posts o.
I posted Christmas
sales and suddenly, my blog views pass Linda Ikeji & Bella Naija’s own (they told me themselves na). As the views
kept increasing, the questions started trooping in per second basis. Even peeps
that have never as much said hello, I suddenly became important. Funny
questions started coming, “How are you?”(Do
you even know my name?), “I have missed
you o” (never seen this person before in my life), “How’s that your fine husband by the way?”(Who in God’s name are
you talking about? You don see am before?), “How’s
your mother in law?”(If anything happens to her, you are finished because I
know you DO NOT know her from any angle. Who asks for one’s mother in law ahn
ahn?”). One even went ahead to ask, “How
are your children & their nanny?” (Na you carry them for womb within that
space of time? And Nanny? Seriously? Because of fall Yakata sales?”).
Anyway,
after the Christmas sales post, the small talk became bastardised and I was
assaulted with them. When all ridiculous enquiries have been exhausted, the
questions started coming in droves, “what
time is it starting”? (You no dey read your mail or the website no clear
for ya computer?), “Am I to pay on
delivery or instant payment online”? (Your question take style legit sha), “Can I get a TV, Gen and Inverter during
this sale?” (Na wah o, people are wicked sha. So after the sale, make all
of us for company close down go dey sell Moringa seed abi? Awon ota aje), “Can I give you cash for 15 Tecno phones so I
resell?” (Haaaa, aiye yii ma nika o.
15 tecno phones!!! Only one perzin.
May God judge you o!), “Teju, can I pay
some money to your account so you help make purchase of a list of items I will
send to your mail as soon as it is 9:00am on Friday”? (Rara, I will not only stay by the computer to quickly purchase
them, I will even take the whole day off so I can shop for you. Lemme even send my boss the mail now to
notify him in advance. Ika eniyan).
Trust me,
the questions were endless. Some people are even upset with me already sef and have yanked me off their bb and
Facebook, and even LinkedIn o, just because I refused to give them the address
of the location where all the goods are situated, as they want to come and pick
by themselves.( Na bend down select? )Haaaa!
People are wicked. Should such people make heaven, like seriously, should they?
Despite the fact that prices are going to be slashed ridiculously and even out
of wedlock for that matter, they want discount again. You do not even need to
pay o when the dispatch delivers to you. Just collect what your ancestors have worked
for from him. Ahn ahn!
Anyway, I
was able to liaise with the team responsible for the advent of this upcoming sale
and they were able to come up with some FAQ’s to attend to some raised queries.
However, if
after reading the FAQ’s below and your answer does not seem to be included, it
is very possible your question was so ridiculous I just did not bother to
forward to the necessary team, or the answers are simply being formed from the
scratch and like evolution, it is just being formed, letter by letter. We sent
a mail to Albert Einstein regarding your question and he is yet to respond.
Please hold as your enquiries are important to us. Kindly exercise patience while
we try and come up with the appropriate responses by Tuesday December 3rd
2013.
I hope that
date is okay by you?
O better!
FAQ's on the #Fall Yakata Christmas Sale#
Q- What is the meaning of Fall Yakata?
A- It is Pidgin English adverb for
finish; totally; utterly; completely. An example is: “All the prices will fall yakata on Konga.com”.
Q-When will the Fall Yakata
Sale begin?
A-The Fall Yakata Sale will
officially start on Black Friday Nov 29, 2013 at 9am, and end on
Cyber Monday Dec 2, 2013.
Q- Is the Fall Yakata
Sale real? (Na photoshop. Stay there make
dem buy everything finish o)
A-Yes! Yes! Yes! Konga is
known for bringing the best and biggest deals and this time we are doing it in
grand style
Q- How can I pay for my
goods for Fall Yakata?
A- The different payment
methods available on Konga are; Pay on delivery, via bank transfer/deposit into
your wallet and with your debit card. These different methods have their lag
times so you can decide on the best method that will give you the best chance
of participating in the limited time deals.
Q- How fast will the prices
of goods go up?
A- So if you don’t
already know, some of the deals available on the Fall Yakata
page will be limited time deals and their availability will be subject to
stock and the times set for them.
Q- Can I pay from outside
the country?
A-International MasterCard
is available on Konga.com, so Yes! You can shop with your international
MasterCard and get it delivered to a location in Nigeria.
Q- Will Fall Yakata hold
all day?
A-Fall Yakata will hold
from Black Friday Nov 29, 2013 at 9am, and end on CyberMonday Dec 2. 2013 but
deals are subject to availability of stock.
Q-Is the Sale strictly
within Lagos?
A-No! Konga operates
nationwide so Fall Yakata will be available nationwide
Q- Are items limited? (before nko? You want us to run down ba?)
A-Items available for the
Fall Yakata Sale are limited, so the faster you shop, the better your chances
of enjoying the discounts bound by time.
Q- Is it fastest fingers
first? (Na wah o. How else will the sales
reach na if everbody use google browser? Abeg let some people use Internet
explorer jo. Fiiiine, that was not what they said jo)
A-Most of the deals on Fall
Yakata will be limited time deals so to avoid being beaten out of a deal by
someone else; you need to be right on time!
Q- Why Is Konga having the
Fall Yakata Sale? (How many times will
you ask na? Abi na me post twice nii?)
A-Fall Yakata is an
opportunity for us to say a big thank you to all our customers for making us
the number one shopping destination this year.
Q- What are the
specific items going on sale in the Fall Yakata Sale? (E be like say I don see this question before o. Na my eyes dey double
nii?)
A special page has been
created for the yakata sale, and when you visit the http://konga.com/yakata page
on black friday, you will be automatically redirected to the special
yakata page with all the deals.
Q- Is the Sale strictly
within Lagos? (Ok, something is wrong
with my eyes. Is it me or have I seen this question above?)
A-No! Konga operates
nationwide so Fall Yakata will be available nationwide
Q-How long will goods
ordered in the Fall Yakata Sale take to reach me?
A-Goods ordered on Konga
take a period of 1 to 3 days for some items (Within Lagos), 3 to 5 days for
some items (Outside Lagos) and may take longer for some other items. We will
always keep you in the loop when there are any delays in delivering your items
(which do not happen often). The biggest deals available in the fall Yakata
sale will be the Sony Playstation 4 and the Techno Phantom A+ which will go for
N60,000 and N19,000 respectively sometime during the Fall Yakata Sale.
I am
sure some people will still not be satisfied with the questions above o. So,
feel free to drop all questions in the comment box below and I will try not to
make my responses sarcastic. At least, make I try do some small sales and who
knows! I fit get bonus.
Because,
some will still ask, “please what is the link again?”
E no
pass something una fit do.
As an
aside, please be informed the sarcastic comments included within the FAQ’s have
no intention of insulting anyone but rather to create humour while getting the
message being passed across. All questions sent to me have been answered within
the FAQ’s so abeg before asking any more qweshions, be sure it haff been
answered above.
And by the
way, I hope the humour in this advert is appreciated as I know someone reading
this might have a flat tyre on the way home, or those yellow buses may remove
your bumper, or worse still, you forget to use your seat belt and awon ibeji Fashola will do the needful
and after managing to get home after parting with over 10k, there will be no
electricity and the generator will refuse to start and the gas would have been
exhausted and phone batteries will be totally out.
So be
nice and print out this article, but ensure you share the article first.
Over
& out.
Alien words used within the article:
Awoof - Love of free things, anything at
all that will cost next to nothing, or nothing, if given the chance.
Na wah- There is really no meaning to this
meaningless phrase.
Una too like awoof - Phrase meaning one loves the
thought of free things. And I am not talking about water and air. I am referring
to cases where one can get something that ordinarily one has not earned or
worked for but hoping to get the best out of it. In this case/article, awoof refers to
a totally unbelievably & ridiculously low price.
Na beg we take
beg o- meaning one is pleading excessively than the required dosage
per day. That's why some people float on air.
Hian- A word expressing scorn like
anger. It is usually said while making a funny click of both hands.
Ota aje- Enemy of progress. They exist everywhere
o. Just look closely, especially people that price items sinfully, like cutting
down price of product from 5000 to 1500.
Aiye yii ma nika o- A phrase expressing the state of
wickedness in the world.
Ika eniyan – meaning a wicked person and
usually said with the nose slightly turned up on one side.
Awon Ibeji Fashola- Lagosians will know who they are.
Hehehehe. Turn to a Lagosian today and start a conversation with the question:
"Who is referred to as "awon
ibeji Fashola?". And who knows, that may be your spouse you will be asking.
Loool
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