Housewives: A Myth or Reality?

So, I guess it's no longer news that I am currently on compulsory bed rest administered by the doctor for typhoid.(Hehehe, I have always wanted to use that line like a celebrity even though this will be the first time many of you are getting to know of this piece of news)

Hubby practically asserted his "I am the man of the house and you will do as I say" right and categorically locked me indoors before leaving for work. Hian! The only thing he did not do was come out straight to ask me to choose between my job and himself. (I had a feeling he was scared I will choose my job so he just respected his champion self. lool)

So this is like the 38th hour that I have not been to work and I have practically grown more grey hairs out of boredom. Hubby has even banned me from calling his number and his phone seems to be off now. I am not sure why as I only called a few times this morning to ask what he wore to work, what he ate when he got to work, the ingredients used in making his breakfast, details of what his colleagues are putting on at work, bit by bit explanation on the number of cars he passed by while on his way to work and other pertinent details a concerned wife should know about.

Yes, I am freaking bored to my teeth and this will have been avoided if he had simply allowed me go to work! Which brings me to my question for the day: How in God's name do housewives of the olden days cope?

I mean, how do they sit at home and all they do is maintain the home front and watch the children while waiting for their husbands, the great lord of the manor to arrive? Jesus! Is any child/hubby worth that kind of sacrifice? Don't get me wrong: Yes, children need attention and dedication and all those other -tion adjectives (or is it adverb?) but when has it ever been a crime to work and train a child at the same time? How do women who combine jobs and home stuff do it? Why should a woman sacrifice her other side of life when even men of nowadays cannot singularly take care of a home without shouting, “a woman has to contribute to the home upkeep”. If men are now liberal enough to allow women take care of the home front alongside with them financially, then a man should also be able to resign and take care of the home and be a house-husband Chikena! Simple as that!

However, please note I used "olden days" in the above paragraph because I really do not want to believe that we still have women that will agree to becoming housewives. I want to assume that housewives went away with the 19th century. I want to believe women that were actually issued that housewife proposition by their husbands took time to discuss that topic with their spouses before he even proposed, least of all before the nuptials AND ensuring they reach a solution beneficial to both.

A program on the radio aired by Rhythm sometime last week centred on a woman whose hubby left her with four children for her best friend and when hubby related this to me, the first question I asked was: “What does she do?” And hubby replied, "She's a housewife". I had nothing further to say after that.

We blame men for many atrocities we women are afflicted with, but truthfully, we are the architects of our own problems. When a man cheats, he is cheating on us with a fellow woman who has no iota of loyalty to her fellow woman, a woman who forgets she will one day be married and will be at the same position, or whose daughter or sister will experience same, and karma goes on like that. Like hubby usually reiterate, “When there is no supply, there will be no demand”.

How can a woman with 4 children be a housewife to a kind of specie that we women already know and I quote in Yoruba, "okunrin o nii aponle beyen.”. Why should women get rid of their identities because you signed the dotted lines? Except the man has registered a mall as big as The Palms Shopping Mall under “your own personal name” or has built several houses “under your personal name”, you have no business being a house wife. It not only protects you from the unknown, it also gives your children that confidence and background to know that their mother is capable of taking care of them in case of unforeseen circumstances and it also prepares your children to be able to withstand scorn and ridicule. Women are the builders of the homes and when a woman is capable, confident and a strong ally to their fathers, children will grow up confident, smart, capable and will marry spouses that exhibits same personality and traits. And when this process is adopted in all homes, it will invariably prepare Nigeria in becoming a better place.

It goes without saying that women live longer than men (statistically proven by Medical societies so you men can calm down), and as a result, is that not enough reason to empower ourselves for the unforeseen and ensure we are not walked over simply because they happen to be the sole breadwinners of the house? Even if our hubbies are wealthy beyond measures, shouldn't we learn to save for rainy days?

Ironically, as learned as we may seem to think the society seems to be as of this moment, some men still insist that their wives will not work, and rather than set them up, they only resort to monthly remittance and so many women are extremely comfortable with such arrangement, until death comes knocking.

I find it pitiful when some women's lives practically stop the minute their spouse becomes deceased. Then they start running helter skelter to different family members who will now use that opportunity to bring up a grievance they had with the woman's deceased spouse and as a result, cannot/will not assist. This situation then makes the children involved angry, defensive, aggressive, and at the end of the day resort to heinous dealings to make money.

In as much as marriage is ordained by God and is a sweet thing, before signing that dotted line with that man and blinded by silly love, be sure you are not marrying a man who may be urbane in appearance but backward in civilisation, believes in stoves more than gas/electric cooker, prefers moin moin wrapped in leaves to the ones prepared with nylon, will rather you pound yam even in pregnancy than prepare poundo-yam, tells you all the women in his family are housewives, hence be prepared to do same, lets you know ahead that "no wife of mine will go and be serving any man at work". I will not even bother to ask whether he met you while you were working or not that he is now actually demanding you quit your job to maintain the home.

All these are signs that you are getting married to a man that belongs to the cotton plantation era. And even though you may find the possessive act sweet and endearing, I can assure you that after the first few months of marriage, when he has resumed back in his office to work daily with his fair complexion leggy assistant who smells of Christian Dior's Poison and all your friends have gone back to working for their male bosses while raking in their cool cash monthly, and you are still at home with wrapper tied around your now huge breasts while cooking beans with plantain because, "he likes it that way", the resentment will follow.

What you will then come to terms with is that the resentment will come from him. Then, you will not be good enough.

On women who are still married to spouses that use them as punching bags, I will wait till I am fully recuperated to write on that. Thinking about it alone, I can feel my blood pressure rising.

Native Words used within the article:

• "Hian" - A word used to express scorn
• "okunrin o nii aponle beyen”. - Erm, i actually cannot define as correctly as it was phrased in Yoruba but it is to mean that men are not worth that kind of trouble for a woman to go through that stress for.(athink)