Maami, Baami: my charity teachers

1. You told me: “I MUST be religious”. There are no options. I still am. Well, mum-in-law may disagree sha. And you too Maami. I believe in God though.

2. If I missed any meal because I was angry and sulking, I would not be eating for the rest of the day.

3. You always came first while in school, even though you never showed me any certificate to prove this, so coming first for me in every school activity was not a request. You made sure I made it happen, though after several failures AND after several beatings my buttocks got anyway.

4. I learnt how to do all house-chores before I was 15years old. At a point, I even doubted you were my parents and probably thought that I was a house help. Such was the rigorousness of the house chore duties instilled in me. (I need no one to tell me this upbringing birthed my present need for perfect organisation in every area of my life)

5. Anybody birthed before me MUST NEVER, EVER be addressed by name. It does not matter if it was just for some few days. They came to earth before me? Addressing them with "Auntie", "Sister" or "Broda" was a MUST. And I got the message after some few knocks and slaps here and there.

6. When I was about to get married, 70% of your guests were people/relatives I have never met and will probably never see again. And yes, it was my wedding and I may have contributed but you birthed me, so you called the shots where the guests were concerned. With you, no matter the status, you gave birth to us and so, you have earned the right to call the shots. Ko si story.

7. It was and still is a taboo to be seated while an elderly person has no place to sit. I got the message early in life and this, I have inculcated in my daily dealings.

8. All my guests/friends had better curtsey or prostrate flat on the ground in a proper manner while greeting you, especially you Maami, when visiting, otherwise I had better start looking for new friends.

9. All the times I told you some funny jokes or related an incident that happened to someone I knew, you always turned it into life lessons that was narrowed down to something I did in the past or something you suspected I was capable of doing.

10. I received punishment for an act I was yet to commit just by you thinking I would commit it if given the chance. I termed it "punishment in advance".

11. When you both called my names in full, especially you Baami, I always knew I was finished.

12. You told me I had better be the best in class. And I tried not to use the phrase "everybody failed it daddy. Nobody passed" after you sent me series of slaps that usually cause shock and disorientation to me for some minutes.

13. Everything you did, it was usually for my own good, be it whipping, slapping, or punishment, it was usually for my own good. I will pass this on to my grandchildren Baami, that I will.

14. When guests visited or we visited guests and they gave me cash when leaving, you would collect from me and let me know you would keep in the bank for me for future use. Maami, Baami I want to believe I should be richer than Dangote by now because you have not transferred the entire amount collated to my account. And whenever I asked, you told me to make an expense report of all you had spent on me while growing up. Baami, Maami, diz is not fair.

15. Whenever you called my name three times and you asked "How many times did I call you?" I ensured I got the answer right otherwise that lengthened my punishment or strokes of the cane.

16. You never believed in bullying. I dared not come home to say I was bullied because that would earn me more punishment for being slow. Which is why I was never bullied and I became somewhat a bully myself. No child of Baami & Maami was slow. No child.

17. I NEVER talked back at you. Even when it seemed like you were asking a question that went like, "Do you think I am stupid or insane?” It was not a question. It was a DARE. I never took it.

18. It was an abomination to eat outside. Even when I was visibly starving and I was asked whether I was hungry. Won bi mi da. I always said no. Baami, Maami, I hardly eat outside the home now. You will be proud at how disciplined I am towards outside feeding.  

19. I understood sign languages early in life eyin obi rere. And how whenever you gave me a side look, I was able to decipher what it meant. Baami, Maami, kids of today, won ti baje pata pata. I don't think kids of nowadays even understand that in those days, when your mother "eyed" you, you should know you are dead, or will come close to it. 

20. “When choosing careers, "it must be a professional one”, you told me. Hehehehehe. If you refuse to be a doctor, a Lawyer or an Engineer, forgerrit...you have no business in school, you somehow communicated to me though not in words. Emabinu eyin obi rere. They were not my calling nii jare. But I am married to a Lawyer Baami. So I am one by association. loool.

21. It was an abomination to watch TV beyond 8 PM. 

22. It was a sin and an abomination to eat, write or collect anything with my left hand. Grandma corrected aburo's own and she is still intelligent, despite several warnings that children who are corrected by changing their hands will turn out psychologically traumatised. “Iranu nii gbogbo iyen jare”, I can hear you say Grandma. You would have been disgusted.

23. You ensured I gave thanks THE NEXT DAY & the next & the one after that, to whoever gave me gifts or cash. At a point, it attracted punishment if I did not do so as you would even ask the person whether I had showed appreciation.  For you, you ensured I kept showing appreciation until the person categorically told me to stop. I still do that. Kids of nowadays, iro o. They collect like it’s their entitlement abi ere ise baba won ni won gba. You will love my In-laws too as they are worse off. Hubby is still thanking me for something I got for him before our wedding. I get scared giving him gifts as a result. The appreciation usually survives the gifts. 'aseju tinzz#

25. Baami, you taught me the art of self-sufficiency and independence. You told me "better for people to beg from you than for you to beg from people". I do not beg from people Baami. People call it pride but I got that lesson loud and clear and it’s paying off.

26. Maami, you always told me the husband is the head of the house. Very true Maami, very very true. You just never told me there will be days when I will feel like hitting that “head” with so many objects and all at once. You never told me Maami. Ko da o.

Baami, Maami - A native name used in addressing one's folks. Baami stands for Dad while Maami stands for Mother.

Ko si story - This simply means no negotiation or explanation needed as message is clear.

Won bi mi da - A phrase meaning one dares not indulge in something or attempt something due to reverence for a certain situation or subject in question.

Eyin obi rere - A phrase that literally means "good parents"  and used in acknowledging the worth of one's parents.

Emabinu - meaning "please don't be upset/angry"

Forgerrit - coinage for the term "forget it" and could also mean, "don't even think about it".

Iranu nii gbogbo iyen jare - This phrase can simply be surmised to mean "arrant nonsense"

Ere ise baba won nii won je _ means "they are reaping the works of their father". However, phrase was used as intended sarcasm.

Aseju tinzz - Term used for overzealousness

Ko da o - Simply means "this is not good/nice" or better phrased as "this is so not fair".