Big-Man Syndrome

"The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names". - Chinese Proverb.

You may have observed that "Big Men" do not follow rules.

Rules are meant for the hoi polloi, the scum of the earth, the dregs of society, the rank and file, the lower orders, the small men.

An authentic Big Man detests waiting.

Queues are not for his kind. He bristles and grabs attention by the balls if asked to wait. Squeezing hard at the nuts and screaming: "Do you know who I am?" Spittle flies in outrage until someone acknowledges how fortunate they are to be blessed by his glorious presence.

Big Men flex their muscles by reckless and lawless conduct - cut corners, jump queues, intimidate and ride roughshod over others. They chase other motorists off the bad roads with blaring sirens and show utter contempt for the common people. Their ego is double-edged. There is ego (self-importance) in their swag and ego (money) in the Ghana-Must-Go bag.

That's the beauty of Nigerian Bigmanism.

Take for instance the recent happenings in Abuja. A Big Man in Aso-Rock "suspended" another Big Man who is the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) governor. The CBN governor is peeved and vows to challenge the legality of his suspension. By the CBN Act, he opines that the Aso Rock Big Man's action is illegal and erodes the apex bank's autonomy and independence. The Aso Rock Big Man (who usually doesn't give a damn) counters by saying that the CBN governor can be suspended since he is under investigation for abuse of office. He also has absolute executive powers which override the stipulation of any (damn) Act.

Typical Big Men. That’s how they roll.

Typical Big Man crushing a less powerful man.

 Two Big Men accuse each other of not following the rules and the small man, like the proverbial grass when two elephants fight, suffers. 

The CBN governor had become a thorn in the flesh of the government. Whether this is because he is a saint (speaks truth to the establishment), a hero (whistle blower), or a villain (discordant whistle blower, reckless spender, incompetent loud-mouth) or a mix of all, is left to the judgement or bias of each individual. The collateral damage is that the Nigerian financial market was disrupted. Bond markets froze, equities tanked and the naira traded at its lowest levels since 1999. Local and international investors became jittery causing a panic sell-off and equities value fell by an estimated N353bn. Portfolio investment inflows are expected to fall significantly owing to investor concern about events in Nigeria.

An encounter with the spirit that comes over Big Men in high places is like an 'on the road to Damascus' experience. Just like Saul (who later became Paul), scales cover your eyes when you taste the intoxicating sweet stuff that makes you throw your weight around.

"Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men." - Douglas Bader

Some Nigerians blame witches and wizards when faced with adversity. The actions of our Big Men in high places are worse than those of any witch or wizard.

"The trouble with Nigeria is simply and squarely a failure of leadership," Chinua Achebe concluded.

If those at the helm of affairs become lawbreakers, it breeds contempt for law. In an event billed as the celebration of 100 years of togetherness, the Federal Government decided to hand out 100 awards to 100 individuals. The Nigeria Centenary Awards was, arguably, recognition of those who made their marks in Nigeria’s first 100 years as part of Nigeria's Centenary Celebration.

The jamboree celebrated 100 years since the amalgamation of Northern and Southern Nigeria. Fireworks, long speeches and hoopla marked the historical milestone. The award list was however mired in controversy.

At first glance, except for a sprinkling of names, I thought it was a list of persons the Federal Government had decided to prosecute for crimes against the Nigerian people.

Some of the Big Men decorated as heroes on the list are coup plotters turned despots, tyrants and looters of Nigeria’s treasury. People who in sane climes should be tried (even posthumously) for atrocities committed against the people. Instead they are celebrated as national heroes. Despite widespread reservations and suggestions aimed at toning down the event, the government decided to go ahead with an unrestrained party. This suggests insensitivity or indifference considering the state of anomie, insecurity and helplessness in the north-east states of Nigeria.

Big Men and the common people live in two different regions or worlds. It is a tale of two cities.

Some live in the city of terror and horror where scores of students are murdered in deadly terrorist attacks. A city where insurgents terrorize, murder helpless citizens and raze down villages in brazen attacks. Routinely, throats are slit, bodies burnt, triggers pulled, slugs fired, releasing an avalanche of tears. It is a region of constant wailing and grief, missed hugs of lost loved ones, slaughtered like chickens or goats. It is a tale of funerals, coffins, and the pain of the dirt-poor, grief-stricken mothers crying in the rain of sorrow.

In the distant city of gaieties, sunshine and bright lights, scores of heavily guarded awardees dance the night away at an awards ceremony. There is the sound of laughter and merrymaking as Big Men mingle and enjoy flamboyant firework displays, colourful costumes, lively music and dancers.

A truly responsive government is sensitive, compassionate, and all-embracing. The protection of life and property is its primary responsibility even if it means seeking international assistance when overwhelmed.


- John Ukah

About the Author

John Ukah, (also known by his nickname as Smoking Gun, SG) is a writer and banker and unarguably one of the most intelligent(top five actually) friends I have had the privilege of boasting about. He is a graduate of Business administration from the University of Benin, Benin City, Edo State. He also holds a Masters degree in Business Administration. He has written frequently on topical issues in several Nigerian newspapers and resides in Lagos, Nigeria. He also owns his blog where he discusses topical issues with satirical analogy that hits straight to home.
For more on John, his blog can be visited on: http://chroniclesofaradicalmind.blogspot.com and he can also be contacted via mail: johnukah@yahoo.co.uk

In Defense of Nagging

I nag.

Let’s get that into the open once and for all and dispel the rumors that I am too educated and enlightened to nag.

For wia! 

In fact, the more educated & exposed a woman is, the more intolerant and impatient she becomes and the tendency to nag is higher. 

And not with all these new generation husbands flying everywhere that can’t do anything sef.

So forget all those anti-nagging wife propaganda mentality going around and some thoughtless speeches and nonsense articles written by single men and women proclaiming that the number one reason for marriage dissolution is a woman’s incessant nagging.

Women will always nag and continue to do so for as long as they are married to the opposite sex. Men! 

And vice versa.

I am a woman, a nurturer, a home maintainer and a keeper of the home so the need to have things in its proper place at all times is a major requirement for my continuous sanity and if I can’t get Hubby to do it and not just do it when he wants but at the right time, then I will either nag him into it or just do it myself.

Usually, I do it myself.

I am actually being humble. ALWAYS, I do it myself. ALWAYS.

If for any reason, I have created any impression that I don’t nag from all my write-ups or that I am just a career woman with panache and can never be caught nagging, omo, I sincerely apologise o.

However, let me be the one to correct that erroneous impression sharply.

I am a persistent nag.

As in, I dey nag wella. I suppose carry award sef. Yoruba’s will even call it “alatenumo”. I can press on an issue like a witch until the person either does it out of frustration or I do it myself at the end of the day.

In fact, Hubby has said I usually have this look on my face that makes him know he is about to hear the speech that made the vulture go bald. (Oro ti igun gbo ti eti e fidi)

How won’t I nag with the kain husband wey I marry! Hian!

And except I exchange my current husband (lai lai, na me go show that guy till we grow old together), I can assure you I may either choose to continue nagging and nag myself into different health challenges, swallow my several complaints and be filled with resentment towards this husband of mine whenever I glance his way or I just simply do the d**n tasks myself.

The guy no even care o. I dey do am myself at all times o. Abeg, person no fit kill me for this small age come go marry one busty lepa jare.

So I do it myself even though I make sure I complain while doing it. loool

Now let me explain that part.

I am married to a man that never lied to me of his domestic challenges even while we were dating. He showed me his real self barely a month after I said yes to him. In fact the only time my hubby has ever been engaged in any domestic chore was that one time I was going over to visit him at home for the first time and he was nervous about my visit and arranged his room to perfection. (I'm sure you are wondering why we didn't stay in the living room, abi? We wanted to pray together nii and commit our relationship into God's hands. Lool)

That was the first and the last time Hubby ever did anything of such domestic extent and capability.

Myself, on the other hand, grew up in a family that gets excited by the pristine and cleanliness of any room. I tidy anything I can lay my hands on and it is a must that everything is in its proper place, shape, form and no speck of dust anywhere whatsoever at all times.

To explain the extent of this compulsion for orderliness and cleanliness, I can tell you I wake at midnight to lay the bed before jumping back in and I iron my bed sheets. Even the duvet has to be in a neat proportion before I use it to cover myself and Hubby’s body. And I check all the house entrances to be sure that Hubby locked all doors because my Hubby acts like there is no thief in Nigeria and does not care to cross check the windows and doors and goes about the whole house with an annoying happy go lucky mentality that thieves have relocated to another country. While myself, ehn, I believe everyone is a thief that has never been caught so I make sure I check the house doors before someone will come and pack our well arranged gadgets. 

I am sure you are thinking now that “how did she end up with that alapa ike”? It’s simple. I think it’s the Kwara Jazz he used on me.

And I am sticking to that story. Lool.

Let me start this clarification with the popular Yoruba proverb: “Ma pami ma pami, Ife lon soro, sugbon ti o ba ti di ma para e, you know the s**t is about to hit the roof”.

For the very many non-speaking Yoruba’s, this statement simply means that when one repeatedly chants “don’t kill me, don’t kill me, then it is love that is involved but when it becomes “don’t kill yourself, then we can safely assume that the person that once cared has reached that much dreaded “f**k it* moment”.

Suffice to say that the only way a wife will stop nagging is if she is married to another woman or if she just cannot be bothered anymore. And when a woman gets to that phase, a man can go jump into the lagoon for all she cares.

I have seen so many friends(unmarried ones o) argue with me that it’s only all those old school women and our mothers’ generation that nag or that “no wonder her husband is cheating on her” when she nags so much, “how won’t he date their maid” and all other nonsense phrases many African women have used to suppress, abuse, insult other women like them. However, after a while, such women that are quick to condemn find themselves in that same place and the cycle continues.

Now, let’s take it one after the other.

I am aware there are three different definitions to nagging as seen in the picture below.

For this article, I am going with no: 3 as depicted above.

I nag because I am married to a man, the specie that needs to be constantly reminded to do most things, the specie that does not like to help out in anyway not because they don't love but because it's in their nature to be waited upon, the specie that likes orderliness but does not want to be responsible for it. 

The male specie.

I am not ashamed to nag, neither do I intend to stop nagging because the day I stop nagging my man is the day I fall out of love and have probably moved on to another man or to a place where he only just exists physically but I have erased him out of my mind.

And for the records, single men and women do not have the right to tell anyone the bad effects of nagging. In fact, until you have been married for more than a month, you do not have the right to badmouth the married women and men that nag.

I just loathe and dislike people, most especially women that run other women down trying to act all uppity and trying to act different from other married women and believing that women that behave in such a way brought it upon themselves and deserves it.

 Kpsheeeew.

Now, I am well aware some women take it to the extreme and even form a musical tone with the incessant nagging and I am definitely not in support of such women but I have been opportune to serve as listening ear for many married women that nag and whenever I ask them if they saw this part of their hubby while courting, many respond in the affirmative but thought they could change them.

At that point, I tell them to zip it and either be ready to tolerate and do the needful themselves or work out of that marriage if it’s that bad.

And I realize that almost all get appalled when I suggest they walk out of the marriage and at that point, I simply mention that if you don’t consider the fact that you have to nag to get your husband’s attention enough reason to walk out of the marriage then simply start doing it yourself.

Like I mentioned earlier, I nag. And this is not because I derive a kind of sexual pleasure from repeating myself to someone that cannot put his dirty laundry inside the laundry and not beside, under or near it at all times.

In fact, anyone that knows me will know I loathe to repeat myself and if asked to repeat myself, I go into sarcasm mode. If I can communicate with just my eyes and other people will understand at a price, I will be willing to pay even a huge sum for silence, not to even speak at all, talk less of now having to repeat myself.

So, I can assure you there is no joy derived in me when I have to whine, complain and explain the need why something that ought to have been done twenty years ago is not done after fifty years and the other party(that’s my Hubby o. Kpsheew) could not be bothered.

That guys tests my patience mehn. And what makes his so worse is the extreme innocent look he adorns anytime I try to accuse him of an undone task and ready to adorn my warrior ensemble and ready to take him on a word fight like Muhammad Ali on the battle ring, he is usually quick to say “I’m sorry” with a childish smile on his face. And that shamelessly deflates me. (Choi, my husband can apologize for the world cup ehn and knows how to get me. And I always fall for that innocent look over and over again and get to do the tasks myself and even still lovingly prepare him a delicious meal for not doing what he ought to do o.)

But no more! The jazz potency has worn off mehn.

News Flash for the Unsolicited Judges Wanna-bes:

A nagging woman is a representation and extension of the spouse she is married to who seems not to be doing what he may have promised, assured, bragged he would do.

A nagging mother is a representation of a disobedient child who has chosen not to follow the mother’s advice, rules, instructions and keeps on erring to the disappointment of the mother.

A nagging husband is a representation of the stubborn wife who has decided to flout the bible’s instructions that women should be obedient to their husbands.

A nagging boss is a representation of a subordinate who has failed to meet his KPI’s and does not seem to share the same objectives with the boss as he keeps on doing tasks totally opposite to what the boss expects and requires.

A nagging HR manager is a representation of an unrepentant employee that is not doing his/her job well or is probably engaging in practices that is totally against the company’s policy.

The nagging youths of a country are a representation of a non-performing government that does not have the nation’s youth interest at heart.

So if all the above people can nag across various platforms and we do not see them quitting at any point in time or renouncing their relationship with the erring person(s)  but either adjust or get the erring person to do the needful, why do society keep hammering on wives not to nag?

How possible and realistic is that?

A man keeps late night and drinks a lot and you don’t want the wife to discuss it and complain repeatedly on the danger until he dies abi? Will you pay for his coffin? Is that nagging?

A man sleeps around and wifey complains bitterly about it begging him to stop. Is that nagging? 

A wife wants her husband to share in the house chores and just for ones put his dirty laundry in the laundry bin and not near the fan or beside the pillow and she repeatedly tells him. Is that nagging?

A husband complains about his wife’s dressing that does not project decency and wants her to be more decent. Is that nagging?

A wife wants the husband to help more with the children and contribute his financial support towards his family and not out drinking with friends and complains repeatedly. Is that nagging?

I don’t think so. I think that is Love. When Love hurts, love complains.

Erm, ok this is extreme.

What am I saying? People who nag do not enjoy nagging. No one wants to repeat themselves like a broken record.

The “nagger” (I know it doesn’t exist so keep it to yourself) is not the problem. The “naggee” (I know too) is the one with the problem who does not seem to care to follow instructions and do what is expected)

And yes, men nag a whole lot too but society has as usual, tried to create a double standard that only women nag and seem to try to tell women not to do such so as to keep the husband.

Keep the husband! Oshisco! Na possession or is it the same worth as 500 hectares of Land in Dubai?

But has the deceptive society ever wondered why a woman suddenly starts nagging and what went wrong? Or do we seem to think women enjoy nagging? And is it just me or is it only in Africa that nagging has become more of an issue than even violence in marriage?

Many discussions and articles seem to emphasize on why a woman should try not to nag and leave the husband alone so that he does not look elsewhere, thereby making it seem like a privilege for the wife if the husband does not cheat when she nags.

Piece of crap! Nonsense!

And what is this that I hear about nagging killing the sex drive? Lmaoo. 

Erm, Guys, let me be the one to break it to you: If you are not doing what she expects of you, be rest assured you already lost your sex appeal since the Cold War between America & the Soviet Union. 

How else do you always get to have some after throwing out the trash or cleaning her ride or picking her up from work after a hard day's work? Women get easily attracted to men that actually complete tasks, not just talking about it but actually walking the talk. It's a kind of stimulation to actually have a spouse we can rely on.

So you see that story you share with your friends at a bar about you losing attraction for your wife at that point when she started nagging? Oga Ade, I;m sorry to be the one to break it to you that your wife got to that point centuries ago and trust me, when she looks at you, sex is the last thing on her mind.

So be rest assured the feeling is mutual., she got to that stage waaay before you did.

Show me a woman that does not nag and I will show you a woman who has a perfect husband (like a Unicorn, they don’t exist), a woman who is pretending to be contented with her husband’s habits so she can simply say to people “I don’t nag” or a woman who frankly, does not give a flying f**k anymore about the husband  and has learnt to be extremely independent to such an extent that the man is simply now a walking dildo.

While growing up and probably up till this moment, our parents most especially our mothers nag us consistently to get us to complete any task which we either don’t do and we regret it later or we do and grumble about it until we complete it, study a particular course, go to a particular school, work in a particular place, marry a particular man, and give birth at a particular time. Do our feelings for our mothers change or deplete? 

I don't think so.

Every growing child and adult has a natural rebellious streak and as a result at times, it becomes a necessity that some things are repeated often and often to get us to do it and keep doing it. This is inevitable and as a result, every human born of woman will nag at some point in their life consistently to someone that is directly beneficial to them or someone that they are benefiting from.

So if the above processes do not warrant a subordinate resigning due to the boss’s incessant complaints or a child disown the mother due to incessant instructions and whines or a wife walk out of the marriage due to several whining from the husband, why should society (consisting of different unrealistic ideas and advice) keep giving African women impressions that the best way to keep a man is by not nagging? 

Does this then mean that those that are still married are married to women that do not nag or that the promiscuous men we have today have wives that nag?

Erm, I don't think so.

Another news flash: A woman who nags is different from a woman that talks too much and a woman that keeps grudges and calls it out when a similar offense is committed.

Let’s not mix them together.

When a man promises to do something and does not do it and a woman reminds him repeatedly until he decides to do it, is that what is called nagging?

No!

If one needs to be reminded of fulfilling a promise made or a task that requires one to complete, it simply shows one as not being reliable nor dependable.

My point? There is no smoke without fire.

That beautiful wife of yours that nags just wants you to hold your side of the bargain and if you are man enough, you will do just that.

That incessant complains from your husband is a way of reminding you to fulfill one of the many promises you made at the altar.

And oh, that leggy big breasted colleague that seems so exhilarating compared to your nagging wife is a nag in making. Just wait till she gets to see you for what you really are: A man that needs to be pushed and reminded to do what is needful and necessary. Then, she will nag and the cycle will continue.

And that smokey eyed boss that smells way better and taller than your nagging husband has probably not tried to get you to complete a task without reminding you. Wait till he sees your KPI's are not in tandem with the company's objectives.

Lesson of the day to recipients of incessant nagging: If you want your spouse to keep shut and go back to the way they once were that made you fall for them in the first place, abeg, keep to your side of the bargain and do all that is expected.

It's actually that simple.


Note to Readers:
The above article is is no way referring to men/women who nag as a result of their own inability to be satisfied for any reason whatsoever or not appreciative of all that is given to them but due to their unhappy childhood and it is definitely not referring to some spouses that were born to nag and have enjoyed beating down the opposite sex because they were brought up to do so. Rather, this article is meant to correct the erroneous impression that married people, or more, married women nag for no reason as this is not true but actually which only married women can explain. The article is just meant to shed light on the fact that a spouse that turns into a nag became as such due to non-cooperation and domestic compliance by his/her spouse. And rather than pull out their hair or die as a result of hard work, he/she has uniquely decided to express himself/herself by talking and sharing his/her point of view even if the spouse does not want to hear it. lool. And does it matter how many times he/she repeats it! lol.  Apparently, when the spouse is tired of hearing the incessant whining and complaining, they will get up from the dusty settee and get to help around the house, which is what we have been saying for the past 5 years since the first nagging began.   Lool




Native words used within the article:

For wia: A term to mean "how unlikely".

Sef: As in previousl blog post, word has no actual meaning but simply to dramatise the statement issued.

I dey nag wella: This is simply a phrase to emphasise the depth of my nagging skills. People like me should be given associate membership with our own loyalty cards. Loool

I dey do am myself: I do it myself

Alatenumo: This is a yoruba term that refers to someone that never lets go on a particular subject until a different outcome is gotten.

Hian: By now, every reade on my blog should be familiar with this dramatic word.

Lai lai: A word meaning "Never", "Not happening"

Abeg: A word to mean please

Lepa: It's a term to mean a slim woman.

Alapa Ike: An individual with rubber like hands that can only be used to lift food into the mouth and every other tasks assigned to this person will be shunned by him/her. An example is my Hubby.

Kwara: This is a state in Nigera where Hubby comes from.

Jazz: You know those acts everyone indulge in that you are ready to bet your life on that you would not have done if not some external forces chasing you? Yeah, Jaz is what's it's called in Nigeria. It's the second thing people lie on when the phrase "the devil made me do it" no longer holds water.

Wifey: An informal term to mean wife.

Abi: A term requesting for a positive response replacing "right?".

Oshisco: This means "arrant nonsense"

Oga Ade: A random name used to refer to men when one is about to go sarcastic.

KPI - Key Performance Indicators

FYI - For your information

Which Way Nigeria.......

When I woke on Saturday morning and saw the large wall clock confidently showing the time of the day to be 10:40am , I yelped and dived straight beneath my pillow to retrieve my mobile device and after confirming I had not missed any crucial message from Jagaban and certain I was clear to enjoy the weekend without any unfinished office task hanging over my head like a mistletoe, I rose from the bed with immense glee and sang my way into the bathroom and out of if while hurrying hubby out of the house as we had so many places to touch and I wanted us to make the most of it.

And you know Lagos traffic on a Saturday, I was certainly not ready to cancel any of our plans because of one nonsense traffic.

I apparently spoke too soon because as we made our way out of Surulere towards Stadium road, the surreal experience began.

Immediately we descended the second bridge facing the National Stadium, I noticed a sea of people; all dressed up in white t-shirts and white shorts looking solemn, tired, somber and subdued.

Almost immediately I took cognizance of the dead-lock traffic, I panicked and my heart rate quickened. For those brief seconds, I concluded the end time had come and rapture had taken place (I even started thinking back to how many people I actually saw before getting to that location and my mind convinced me “not much babe, not much”).

With quick darting glance, I looked down to quickly check if my outfit had changed to white but it hadn't and ironically, I was putting on a black shirt.(That hot place under the earth came to mind and the fact that all the movies I’d seen depicting the bad people in those places were usually adorned in black apparels.)

Oh boy, for a split second, all my sins came rushing down o and while still in that panicked state of confusion, I saw my Hubby beside me and I was strangely reassured that “at least we have each other” and while still in this brief state of confusion, I took a closer look to see if somehow the gates of heaven was at the National Stadium since that was where these pool of people were all headed.

I kid you not. It was like watching an army of soldier ants gathered around a huge ant-hill and trying to make their way into the cocoon.

At this stage, no car was coming or going as everywhere was brought to a standstill by these “white angels”. So rather than be frustrated, I decided to feed my eyes with the events happening around me. To mention that I saw all manners of people would be an understatement. I saw the young and the old all decked in white and some off-white apparels were also there posing as white, and some pregnant women who looked like their water will break anytime soon were also there; with their brown manila folders looking expectant, hopeful and about to write an exam albeit in an extremely unruly, unconstrained and demeaning environment.

Surveying the situation and manner in which these hopeful graduates were about to be subjected to a lesser than animal manner of writing exams, I became disgusted, sad, angry, worried and finally disappointment set in.

I could practically see the future of Nigeria slowly ebbing away from the number of youths turnout on that sad day.

It will surprise you that all the above mentioned negative energy was not directed at the non-performing government but more towards all the present applicants.

It's a foregone conclusion that the Government is already a lost cause that should be flushed out with revolution. It will also behove many to know I have no qualms in hoping and praying that the revolution should claim the lives of people that are against the development of Nigeria. I became aware a very long time ago that in a war between good and evil, the evil has got to give way for good and progress to prevail which means the evil has to be gotten rid of, destroyed and buried somewhere far to ensure it does not come back to life.

In this case, some parts of the Government(or all?) is the evil that needs to be expended.

But abowaba loro iyen.

Let me share a quote I got off an acquaintance’s Linkedin page and which summarises my thoughts and exactly how I feel,

“…………….If so many youths can travel from afar and gather for a recruitment exercise that claimed some lives, why can't they organise and show up for protest marches against the corrupt government responsible for their plight? This submissive attitude in Negroes is why slavery lasted as long as it did, the power of a few over a multitude”.

In a related development, I remember clearly one of the World War movies I saw back in the days, where the soldiers leading thousands to the gas chambers weren't even up to a handful but yet the prisoners followed submissively with no thought of revolting and those that dared to question the actions of the soldiers were treated to a worse situation than the gas chambers as other prisoners were to scared to support their fellow prisoners to stand up for emancipation.

Sounds familiar, right?

Now the way I see it is this and permit me to sound very callous, I honestly don't think we have actually been pushed to the wall to get to a certain point where we would stage a protest that would shake the nation. Imagine if those people gathered at the "pearly gates", sorry I meant stadium, were all there in protest and all dressed in white too I must add to protest the rate of unemployment, do you think the Government would not have been forced to listen? Or rather, how would it have looked if there had been no turn out at the demeaning venue of the exams and the Government becomes aware that the youths of the nation have decided to form one bond/part and fight the evil leaders we have governing us in a rather shambled state?

At this point though, I am aware that many will probably hiss and conclude as is the usual norm when a suggestion is brought forward, “it cannot work” and then go ahead and scoff that "she comes from a privileged background and has never had to struggle for anything but probably just snap her fingers and get it at the first request".

Yes, you will be right to a certain extent but no, I did not grow up very privileged neither did I get all that I want on a platter of gold. In fact, you will be surprised to know that I have fought and propelled my way to get to where I am and because I am still not satisfied with where I am and what I have, I am still moving and still working hard. And I have known a long time ago that the level of comfort I want will not be gotten by working for any arm of Government or in any civil service.

Suffice to say that I grew up knowing that the Government has nothing to offer me or other youths without any connection to some corrupt leaders for that matter.

But hey, that’s just a tiny fraction of the whole equation. I am but a small part of a body of youths that know that the only way to effect change is not by beating the same tune but by doing something different.

We need to make happen something that will upset and shake the current waiting syndrome of all youths and unbalance the status-quo of Nigeria having men and women who should be in old people's homes or even retired running the affairs of this country.

We need to engineer something that is yet to be seen on this side of the continent.

REVOLUTION.

Our persistent reluctance to live by the saying "give me liberty or give me death" has truncated our desire and drive to fight for our freedom. We may have gained independence in 1960 but we are still in chains and being dragged around in mangled forms by our leaders. We the youths love endeavors that promise us immediate INDIVIDUAL rewards, but not those where a little fight, team work and sacrifice is needed to bring about collective and long lasting societal benefits.

I am not afraid to fight for our freedom but I have come to understand that in Nigeria, many want miraculous changes but are not willing to put in a fight or effort hence the same situation has prevailed for many years.

I have been opportune to share this opinion among several youths across different platforms and majority believe and I quote, “you have had a privileged life and spoilt so you will not understand what is actually happening. And getting a job right after school is not enough to write off the state of unemployment in Nigeria. The Government has not provided the facility to necessitate resourcefulness and innovation in Nigeria”…….”

And so on and on, the rambling continues.

And I smile sadly after each myopic attack and just knew this same situation will repeat itself after a while when the Government is sure we have forgotten the previous pains because as usual, many Nigerian youths still do not get it and probably never will and the cycle will keep repeating itself until one day, the population of seniors to youths will be 5:1

Ask not what your country can do for you…..
It is no longer news that our Government and leaders have failed us and their objectives are not in tandem with the expectation of the youths.

You can see the living proof of such expectation disparity when someone of wasteful descent bought a whole page of the newspaper to celebrate Bola Shagaya because she was among the delegates attending the National Conference.(It is a laughable situation if it's not an issue of serious concern). That person should be arrested and tried as it’s obvious the page was bought with stolen money as no honest hard worker will waste hard earned money for such nonsense except a sycophant trying to kiss the right a**e in anticipation of future opportunities to be derived from the person being hypocritically celebrated..

Awon amunishepe somebody!

The decrepit state of the nation has been a topic of discussion on several social boards and physical gatherings and this has been going as far back as 20 years. So one can safely assume that the government is yet to come up with any recent development however tragic that has not been over flogged or spoken about in the past or that we have even not witnessed.

As far as the Nigerian youth is concerned, we have seen it all and we should be tired of it by now to the extent that no one should have showed up for that charade of a test that took place on Saturday.

Which is why I was amazed that despite the several disappointment the Government has dished to us, there was still a huge turn out on Saturday and not just that, they were even able to get many to part with 1000 naira. Just like that!

And yet, we complain and protest should there be as little as 5 naira hike in fuel or transportation or air fare. We still parted with 1000 from 6million youths that applied.

One Thousand Naira. Which reminds me of one being asked to pay a sum of money by a magician that in exchange, he will give us a charm to enable us pass exams by remembering everything we read.

The dubious magician in this case are the NIS officical responsible for this exam.

Suffice to say that the government benefited from the misery of unemployment and even made cool 60 billion naira to show the depth of porous evil and wickedness of our leaders who are so corrupt and distant from the Nigerian youths that nothing good will come out of Saturday fiasco just to show how little care is shown to us.

I guess the innovator of such resourceful idea has met his KPI for the first quarter. The genius bastard!

But the hopefully gullible applicants.

This development has brought about as usual irate youths who are angered and aggrieved at the casualties that took place in each center and the incessant berating of the government has not seized up till now as I have been in several groups arguing on why the government is to blame or not to blame as it has not done anything that has not occurred in the past to the “waiting youths” who do not like to shift from their comfort zone but want to be handed everything on a platter of gold

So as far as I am concerned, the Government can cease to exist or even have all the officials go missing like the Malaysian plane, I couldn't’ be bothered.

The Government failed us when leaders who are celebrating over 50years and centenary awards are still ruling the country.
The Government failed us when they sold the NIS form for 1000 and made profit off it in irony of having charged unemployed applicants a token to get a job.
The Government failed us when they kept posting intended Corpers to Northern states where there has been unrest for over 5 years but they don’t seem to care since their relatives are not there but safely studying somewhere in Harvard, Columbia, Cambridge or Oxford.
The Government failed us when it refused to raise the minimum wages to meet the barest standard of living.
The Government failed us when several youths that have died in the struggle for Nigeria either by road, air, or outright murder and nothing was put in place in memory of them.
The Government failed us when ASUU went on strike for several months and issue was not prioritized and all arrears were not paid to the deserving lecturers.
The Government failed us when they choose to give centenary awards to killers of many future leaders.
The Government failed us when they refused to explain exactly what happened to the $20 billion but rather, we have been conveniently distracted again with a lingering fuel scarcity that has no end in sight.

So as far as I am concerned, the Nigerian Government has failed its youths in many ways that one and has no intention of stopping anytime soon. And you do not beat an already fallen object, body, thing or human.

Which is why I was not only amazed but disappointed at the turn out for the NIS test as apparently we, the Nigerian youths are yet to learn the greatest lesson of all.

And until we do, we will keep falling like a pack of domino cards.

To be continued…........…While I wait to see whether each applicant's 1000 naira will be refunded since the charade of an exam has been cancelled.

Untitled Article - Musings of a Writer with Title Block.

This is not me but erm, my hair is as long as that.

I have been told I have the face of a saint and the smile of an angel.

(At this point, beefers & haters will hiss or say hian) That is denial. Many of us live in denial. We don’t like to accept what is glaring to the sight and obvious to all and sundry. 

Majority is afflicted with this. But we have different ways of exhibiting it.

While some exhibit this denial by believing everyone who made it in life earlier than them is relying on luck, some believe that the reason they have not succeeded is as a result of some wrinkled elderly woman with black lips in their village. So every time they experience a setback, they are quick to point out that the black lipped woman once used her wrapper to rub their head when they went to their village 15years ago so their destiny has been altered.

People like that end up giving up the ghost with intense belief that if they hadn’t gone to the village on that New Year festival day, they would have been richer than Dangote and Adenuga put together.

That’s denial on another grandeur level.

So back to my saintly face and angelic smile, since many do not want to agree with the obvious, maybe we should look at the denial situation from another angle?

And yes, that was just a diversion. I have actually not been told anything of such aside from some beefers who seem to think I should maintain the facial scrub I am using due to the many evil spots suddenly appearing on my face.

But that’s by the by! Let’s leave my deceptive looks for a while and focus on the main issue.

Accepting certain situations require some measure of maturity, specific recurring experiences to nudge us out of our comfort zone and then, a deep reflection on past events. And while some of us may finally accept things for what they are, very many others may never reconcile certain situations and as a result, live the rest of their lives in denial, delusion and finally unending hope of something that has no intention of happening since the appropriate stuff was never put in its proper place from the get go.

An example of this can be traced back to 2011(that was the last election, right?) when people voted in GEJ as President despite the glaring non-performance and inexplicable tasks he did when he took over from Yaradua.

People still however voted for him to rule expecting a miracle for the second time despite no miracle occurring in the first place. What this means is that many individuals do not accept the truth but fortunately for me, I have realised faster that some situations will never change despite wishful thinking and less existing actions and I want to share a few of them.

1)      I’ve come to realise that no matter the number of tweets, Facebook confrontational chats, articles and open letters that would be shared on social platform, GEJ is going to win the next Presidential Election in 2015 as many youths would be too busy tweeting and chanting war tones via social media and crying foul and antagonising the government and ranting on about the election and it being rigged rather than actually turning off their phones, dressing up, going outside and voting in the right candidate.

2)     I have come to realise that I can never grow taller than I am right now, well except of course, with the help of a 6 inch heels. This realisation took a while for me to accept and that no amount of beans consumed will increase my height beyond the 5ft4 I actually am right now. (Fine!!! I exaggerated, I’m 5ft1)

3)     I have come to realise that revolution needs to take place in Nigeria before we can have leaders that will rule the country sincerely and passionately for the majority. Anything less than that and our leaders would keep taking us for granted, continuously steal public funds with no care as to the law effecting some retribution, and keep using public funds to better their personal lives while disregarding the actual needs of its citizens by rebuilding all its infrastructures and educational system. Our leaders need to have their illegally balanced life shaken to feel something genuine for the country. Simple as that.

4)     I have come to realise that Boko-Haram could actually be a terrorist gang created AND being funded by the Government themselves and until many of these government officials get to also lose relatives to these menace group, many innocent citizens are going to keep paying for the crimes and insensitivity of our leaders.(How the government can choose to negotiate with them is unbelievable)

5)     I have come to realise that my mum will never stop calling me “Shaki” despite my conversion to the more globally friendlier name, “Teju”. I am gradually beginning to suspect she does it on purpose, especially when visitors are around.

6)     I have come to terms with the fact that nobody can/will ever become the Governor of Lagos without Bola Tinubu’s approval and knowledge. The guy is now a god-father and I think GEJ and other politicians know that.

7)     I have come to realise that no matter how hardworking and transparent Fashola was and still is, many Lagosians will never like him. And this is not because his performance is not glaring to all enough, it all boils down to people living in denial and believing there is a human mirage somewhere that can perform better than him and more importantly, I am gradually sensing that some people actually benefited from the lawlessness that once permeated Lagos and Fashola bringing orderliness to Lagos streets has rubbed many of their ill-gotten wealth or their previous beliefs that they are above the law have been curbed. So no matter how much development we can now see in Lagos, some people are just blinded by misplaced hate and will never like BRF. I am still wondering why those people have not moved back to their villages to start their companies and become local champions and leave Lagos for those of us that have no issues conforming to the set rules. Simply put, if you are lawless and rebellious, you can’t live in Lagos.

8)     I have come to realise that my husband will never know how to cook or lay his bed. And no matter how many times I whine about it, nag, sigh, or cajole with tibi, some things will never happen from him. Ever!

9)     I have come to realise that I am never going to have Nicki Minaj or Kim Kardashian’s body. (Don’t laugh please. A girl’s gotta dream. Imagine me with Kim’s Arsenal. Dayuuuuum.)

10)  I have come to realise Harvard University will not be cutting down on their tuition fees anytime soon for my sake despite the series of mails I have sent to them asking for payment consensus. (Snobbish school. #yinmu#)

11)   I have come to realise that we are never going to know who killed Funsho Williams or Bola Ige and a thousand and one others who have lost their lives in the struggle for emancipation of the Nigerian folks as the government is not going to want to investigate on one of their own.

12)   I have come to realise that I am never going to like Financial Accounting with all its income statement and cash flow gibberish…… Never! When I become rich, I am going to hire my own accountant.

13)  I have come to realise that Nigeria would only attain true democracy when life sentences get attached to corruption and money laundering crimes, just like in some countries. Until our leaders believe these crimes have actual consequences whereby all their stolen assets will be frozen while in jail and they will not be having any entitlement to run for public post after their sentences, status will remain quo for corruption and money laundering in Nigeria. Not for the media to rave about it for days end like they did with the likes of Dimeji Bankole, Gbenga Daniel, Farouk Lawan, & Omisore who they think we have forgotten about and whose cases have died and have long been buried with no reprimanded outcome. (We are just too complacent as citizens with the current sad state of the country)

14)  I have come to realise that Idris Elba (oh yummy), Ryan Gosling (oh boy! That voice), Jonathan Meyers (shudders) and Chris Hemsworth (Oh my days! Those eyes!) are never going to know of my existence and fall madly in love with me as I had always envisioned it in my dreams. *wails*

15)  I’ve come to realise that it’s too late for me to be a pilot, or a sky diver, or a ballet dancer. (Yeah, I just needed to type that. I have never been interested in any of these gymnastic acts jare. And yeah, flying a wingless plane is a miraculous gymnastic act mehn.)

16)  I’ve come to realise I will never be a size 8 again. (Yeah right! Like I ever was!)

17)  I’ve come to realise that Hubby will never spend less than 40mins in the restroom before preparing for work. (He has said he deliberates and communicates with all his ancestors while in there on the state of the nation and what can be done as way forward, hence the delay. Kpsheew. I shouldn’t have gotten him that tab)

18)  I have come to realise that I have an acceptable level of interest in politics and I have a feeling I may venture into politics someday. There is this burning need in me to right some or all the wrongs done to our nation and with my ability to motivate people, I just may be the one to initiate revolution in Nigeria. (Abeg wipe that scorn off ya ugly face. Don’t underestimate me o. I am a renowned motivator and self-starter and can ginger people to do stuff, forget story. So I am just trying to prepare myself because once I begin, there will be no turning back.)

19)  I have come to realise that the danfo drivers in Lagos are actually part of Lagos and no one will be eradicating them anytime soon so I have promised myself to give them all the respect they deserve on the streets of Lagos.

20) I have come to realise that I am actually not as superbly brilliant and intelligent as I used to presume I was. (Trust me, I am not trying to eat the humble pie. I used to be so arrogant about what I know that I was certain there were times I have floated rather than walked but I have now met so many people in the past few years that I now know It was a case of a one eyed king…..abeg, no offense to old friends o. loool)

21)  I have come to realise that I am never going to pay tithes to any church. (Yesterday, I heard a church tell its members that if they don’t pay tithe, God will not answer their prayers. Talk about transactional system of worship as I could have sworn one’s religion and relationship with God ought to be a transformational one. But anyway, that’s another story for another day.)

22) I have come to realise that one’s reputation will always precede one’s path in life. Your knowledge, experience, actions, attitude, ethics, culture, behaviour will always be assessed at all times and when the time comes, it will either work for you or against you. The choice is actually yours. Create your brand NOW. (It may already be too late for some people though.)

23) I have come to realise that Jagaban will never smile on a Monday morning. Or Sunday evening, which comes before Monday morning.

24) I have come to realise that eating beans few hours before going to bed will never be a wise idea, well, except I am on a revenge mission against hubby for his domestic challenges. (The evil minded will understand what I mean)

25) I have come to realise that people only get to appreciate other people after they are dead. Appreciate people while they are in your life and for God’s sake, spend some of your money while still alive and stop saving all you got for a future that is unforeseen. Don’t live in misery for an unknown future that may never come.

26) I have come to realise that nothing beats experience, not even knowledge. Experience is the mother of it all. I have also realised that our parents most times already know what the future holds for us when it comes to major milestones. They may not be right all the time but most often than not, their intuition and instincts let them know some of our decisions are for keeps or for kicks. Listen to them. (Patience Ozorkwor and Kanayo .O. Kanayo does not apply here abeg)

27)  I have come to realise that I will always be impatient, intolerant and an intellectual snob. I have actually tried so hard to relate with the less intellectually privileged but it’s just so hard. *wails* and sadly, many do not elevate their intelligence because they do not read. (That is the next topic I will be writing on, well, the next after the next actually)

28) I have come to realise that I am not against abortion and the death penalty. The population in this world is too much anyway which is why there are so many psychologically sick people roaming everywhere hiding under different mental names, so if someone is a threat to many in the society, then by all means, I have a sharp knife. Do we dice, slice or bury alive? (Looool *na play o*)

29) I have also come to realise that regarding the Anti-Gay law, I am in Aye. (trust me, you don’t want to start an argument on this one. My opinion, my business)

30)  And finally, I have come to realise that the reason racism is still in everyone’s immediate memory and still being talked about is because we talk way too much about it and go on and on about the ancestral pain inflicted on our fore fathers and over read and over analyse any causation and correlation between two people with different body colour and orientation. Simply put, we dwell too much in the past. If it is not being revamped via social media when a white bodied mail scoffs at a black bodied female for saying pounded yam is better than coconut rice which makes people start saying he scoffed because she was black, then it is because we are still making films regarding slavery. Let’s move the f**k on!!! I really couldn’t be bothered whether someone does not like me due to my skin colour as it will be ridiculous for someone to throw racist remarks at me in my own father’s land (nigba ti ko shiere). If you don’t like how you are being treated in a continent, get out of there and go to another part of the continent where you will be accepted. No one is a tree. Move! There is no place like home and nowhere will you feel more welcome than home. Let’s stop over flogging a dead horse. And come on, really speaking though, our ancestors sold us to slavery. Foreigners didn’t just waltz into our country and took us hostage. They used some of us to get most of us. And really sef, if they hadn’t taken some of us as slaves, will many be claiming to be of American descent or “I’m British”? So at least something strangely good came out of it; a red or green passport! And even after independence, our leaders are still using some of us as touts, terrorists, hooligans, murderers to get rid of one another. Different countries with the same social issues but different ways of leadership. So enough with the slave movies please!

N:B: All reflections are solely the author’s and interpretations of native terms used within the post are explained below.

Beefers: Someone envious of one's progress. This person could be a fantasy or a mirage as the average Nigerian is of a strong belief that the next person is envious of him/her however having not accomplished much.

Hian: A native phrase replacing “tufiakwa”, which is another native phrase replacing “na wah”, which is another native phrase that has no meaning but to convey drama.

Dangote, Shaki & Adenuga: Three Influential Nigerians contributing hugely to the country's GDP. (Fineeeee, I will move my name down)

Shaki - A native name, shortened for Shakirat, given to me as a baby and which I was addressed for the better part of my life projecting my Islamic background.

Teju - A name showing my Yoruba background and which I am currently being addressed as, except by my mum who have refused to move with the jet age.

Bola Tinubu - A former governor of Lagos state, and emphasis on former, but who is still a very powerful tool in the politics of Lagos. We call him the Jagaban of Nigeria.

GEJ - I am guessing we all know who this is.

Lagosians - Residents of Lagos contributing to the mass population of the luxurious city.

Fashola - A God-sent Governor who I am unashamedly biased towards. Unlike many Lagosians, I am not amnesic and I remember vividly the decrepit state Lagos was before he became the governor and I am immensely appreciative.

Tibi - *clears throat* Erm, next please

Yinmu - An act of raising one side of the nose to show scorn and disbelief.

Funsho Williams - A strong gubernatorial candidate who contested in Lagos but was killed before that could become a reality.

Bola Ige - A lawyer who was suspected to have been murdered by we know who.

Dimeji Bankole, Gbenga Danel, Farouk Lawan & Omisore - Former public seat holders who have all been tried for fraud, bribery, money laundering and somehow are not in jail as expected but walking around free and still in possession of all accused amount.

Jare - A native word used to express a polite non chalant attitude.

Jagaban – The one who is not to be named which only the members of the Kabal will know.

Kpsheew - A vernacular to mean hissing or a more globally accepted code, *kmt*

Abeg - A vernacular word for *Puleeeeeeeze*

Patience Ozorkwoh & Kanayo O Kanayo - Two major actors in Nigeria that almost always play evil roles with Patience as a wicked mom or mom in law who frustrates her son in law or daughter in law or Kanayo .O. Kanayo playing the role of a man who wants to get rich at all cost or marry his kids out to rich folks. lol

Na play o - This is a vernacular term for *just kidding*

Nigba ti ko shiere - A term to mean someone dares not try something when he/she is not insane.

Sef:  Basically has no meaning but the Yoruba language is a very dramatic one so you will discover that there are lots of meaningless words and phrases in the language used to reflect the dramatic approach to relating some situations. You may come across words like; “ehen”, “o ga o”, “yepa” “haaa”, “haba”, “yeee”, “iro o”, “lotooo”, “o ma se o”. They are all dramatic phrases. Without them, no Yoruba story is complete.