5 Revealing Reasons Your Woman Won't Cheat On You

Apart from me, did anyone else notice that I used "won't" as opposed to "can't" or "don't"?

Because if the human brain still works the way it should, someone somewhere is probably scoffing or smirking at the big lie since they happen to know maybe a friend, spouse, sister, or lover that had cheated in the past. So this post is not about to affirm or choose a position that firmly believes women do not cheat. I have rather decided to focus on an angle I couldn't even find on any Google page- Why Women Won't Cheat.

Go on, take the Google challenge. I dare you to but be warned that you won't find any.

I am not sure about any other internet user but I think I have had enough of new, subtly refined but old articles popping up daily on "why men cheat" or "why women cheat". While most of these articles try to use the reversed method to explain and justify cheating from either of the partner, the articles clearly share one thing in common, they all try to suggest a partner is cheating because the other partner is to blame in some way or the other. All the articles are usually subtle not to come on as too accusing but the message on each article runs concurrently clear- A partner cheats because of the other partner.

Whether I agree or not, I'd leave you to decide after reading this post.

During a short tea break in a business school's training session somewhere in Lagos, some participants including myself engaged in a discussion surrounding the rise of female entrepreneurs and female politicians and we started a warm debate on whether we could still be submissive to our spouses after having access to so much power and influence. And sometime during this debate, we came up with banters and jokes about maybe sometime in future, the tables would be turned and women would be the ones engaging in immoral acts with public scandals around them, while the men would be the ones suffering the shame while filing for a million dollar divorce. We even went as far as mentioning some female entrepreneurs who seemed to fit our very vivid fantasy while we all agreed we would be unrepentant since the men did worse to us and how we would make them bear all we had beared in the past. We even shared some public positions right in the classroom with a classmate wanting to be the judge so we could include polygamy for women in the constitution. We even went as far as imagining the day women would get married to their spouse’s friend despite her spouse suffering from the scratch with her but since she was now so wealthy and powerful, she would be needing someone fresh & younger.

Sounds familiar?

But that's actually not what this post is going to be about. However, I doubt the day would come when women would have the higher hands in infidelity. Although, several surveys have established that women are now picking up the habit of adultery and frankly speaking, since women are more emotionally equipped and balanced to handle anything shrouded in secrecy, they stand a higher chance of never getting caught.  So despite these statistics, many women still won't succumb to infidelity as much as their counterpart male. 

What could be the reason? Religion? Love? Fear? Intimidation? Lack of confidence?

Sorry guys, but what you are about to read may very well shock you.  A woman choosing not/never to cheat has absolutely nothing to do with love, awe, weakness, lack of options nor fear. I should however state from here that this post does not in any way apply to women who have been cowed by their spouses either through domestic violence or emotional bully nor housewives who depend on their spouses for everything surrounding their daily existence as women who fall under this category most often than not have no say in anything least of all even nursing the thoughts of straying. There are many isolated reasons some women have chosen not to be influenced by the porousness of infidelity.

SHE WAS RAISED GOOD & PROPER –  I remembered vividly my first sex education from my mum. My mum was never the kind of mother that promoted childhood violence on kids. Mum had always been a strong woman with a very soft heart and who understood quite early enough that beating does not really reform children but rather made you immune to pain after a while. My dad vehemently disagreed and was eager to show his stance. So while my dad was using the military form of discipline even though he had never been inside any army barracks to my knowledge, my mum focused on the transformational form of behavioral correction through the use of evoking words. As soon as I began to see the monthly red visitor, my mum had sat me down and explained the whole process of being a woman, and yes, she said it- "any man that smiles at you can get you pregnant". (You have no idea how that haunted me until I was in my mid-twenties and finally read “Everyday Woman!”) She also told me I was already pretty and when a man tells me I am pretty, he was not complimenting me but stating a known fact and that my body belonged to God and myself. And that I was responsible for how people will handle it. And she also said the greatest punchline ever- "A man will respect you when you remain a virgin until your wedding night". Mehn, my mum really ruined me that night bad! With those words, my mum made sure I abhorred before even understanding what these meant- one night stands, casual sex, cheap psyches, ear piercing phonee speaking niggas with dreadlocks, black-lipped dudes who smoked like a chimney, drugs of any kind, alcohol, and body abuse. By the time she was done with me that night, out of 17 billion men on earth, 16,999,999 of them had been crossed off my list forever. (Don't ask about the rest. Shey I no try?) That very day, my mum re-birthed an extremely confident lady with a little bit of arrogance towards the opposite sex. Same can be said about other women that grew up with a mum like mine. When a woman is raised well especially by mothers born between the 50’s and 60’s who told all their daughters pregnancy could be transmitted through handshake or smiles, no matter the age or situation in life, it sets the foundation of every action such lady would take in future and cheating would not be one of them. Our mothers made sure of that. A good mother may forgive you being a failure at school or not knowing how to cook for your partner but infidelity from a daughter she raised would be considered the first commandment which is unforgivable. And no matter the age, power or wealth of a good woman, our mothers’ approval is key for us. So when a woman is raised well, she WILL resist every form of temptation because that was the only way she had been raised. Losing control of any situation is incongruous to a good woman. A good woman remains a good woman no matter the travails her spouse or time may bring her way. And good girls were not born, they were made by good mothers. However, whether a cheating spouse is a yardstick for measuring how good a woman is would be another topic for another day.

SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY REASON TO CHEAT……YET- Women understand that cheating is overrated but men don’t. A woman that is going to cheat or has cheated won't be confiding in anyone because she knows no matter how good it makes her feel, cheating is still cheating. She knows this and knows her whole essence will be judged by her piousness and fidelity. As a result, a woman that already has a reason to cheat won't talk the talk but will walk the talk. Women like to believe that they have a more sophisticated justification behind when and why they cheat – and it’s very possible they do. And when it comes to cheating, women are much more logical and more calculating than their male counterparts. Logic keeps a woman from straying, especially when she believes she will get caught. Unlike men that are only as faithful as their options since a man may only be able to resist temptations when they are few, women can stay faithful till the very end no matter the number of options available. However, this will only be possible if there is no reason for her to consider those options just yet. When a woman is going through a major transition, not feeling adequately celebrated, feels a relationship is ending, knows the man is cheating or it’s simply just boring in the bedroom, she already feels she has a justified reason to cheat. And because women are better liars as they are more psychologically sophisticated, they make very calculated plans and have strategies which a man may never find out until she has a Russian baby for you even though you are both full Africans. And unlike a man who may hide the identity of his side partner, a woman understands the only way to get away with cheating is to make her side partner known to her spouse so that way, even if she accidentally drops his name in the middle of a conversation, it would be natural. And because women are much better at keeping their affairs secret, once a woman has a reason to cheat, it will just happen without any announcement. So if a woman is not cheating, it has nothing to do with love nor religion nor vows, she hasn't just gotten any major reason to cheat so you may want to consider not giving her any. 

SHE IS NOT POWERFUL ENOUGH– Have you ever wondered why powerful men with pivotal professions commit adultery? With so much to lose, why do they risk it for a fling? Power! Power is sweet and intoxicating. The ability to control a certain number of people either through wealth or through an influential position can bring out the beast in just about anyone and a woman in a position of power can either create something beautiful or be a weapon of destruction to her spouse and other men around her. And a woman in power is one of the greatest aphrodisiac to men. The more powerful a woman, the more alluring and exciting other men find her. Unlike men in power who cheat with no decorum, a woman in power understands she has a lot to lose and as such will ensure the highest level of discretion. That we haven’t heard of powerful women straying affirms the earlier statement of women being better at keeping secrets. Whereas a powerful man can be brought down by a mistress who would threaten to reveal all their secrets, a powerful cheating woman can be a very dangerous one who may consider getting rid of any threat. Once a powerful woman begins to cheat, the die is cast. When a man starts cheating, he wants to brag to the world and inform his inner clique that he still got the game. He wants to huff and puff his chest to all his mates about the kind of women he can still attract. Because how else can you explain a man taking a side game to a party with his friends & some family members? To simply show off! To a man, it is a form of ego trip especially when the side chick is a very attractive and younger one so they need to brag to their friends and let them know that yeah, they still got it. A powerful woman wouldn't do that because she understands the most forbidden secrets are the most intriguing and intoxicating. And when a man starts cheating, he gives off the vibe that he believes no one can see no matter how powerful he can be. But this will be visible to everyone including his spouse. A recently conducted survey of 1,561 professional, revealed that the more power women had in their control, the more likely they were to cheat. Plus, the more power women had, the more confident they were. And power mixed with confidence is attractive to both sexes. When a woman is in a position of immense power, there is a higher likelihood for her to wander especially if the gateway/reason to cheat has been opened by her spouse. I am certain many men who refuse to let their wives work fully understand the many temptations career women face hence the need to bully their wives into being housewives.

SHE HAS NEVER CHEATED BEFORE- A famous quote once said “Once you see results, it becomes an addiction”. This applies to infidelity as well. When a woman has never cheated, crossing over the line to start cheating is the greatest and the most difficult challenge that many of us do not bother to cross. However, as a married woman, I have faced temptations from determined men who are somehow fixated on unavailability but my fidelity had never been shaken because I do not know nor understand what it means to be committed to one man and still be considering another one. Do not mistaken me for a saint, however, because I never had to cheat as a single woman, the hurdle of crossing over to adultery after marriage will be very impossible. Same can be said of other women that are either in relationships or married. This does not mean women who fall under temptation are less human than those that haven't but the only time a woman can bravely fight the hard challenge of fidelity is when she has never attempted to cheat. But that minute, that second and that defining moment a woman gets to cheat for the first time and gets away with it, the battle is already lost until she chooses to stop herself or she loses something monumental as a result of her infidelity(usually the latter). Just like the popular meme, “Once a hater always a hater”, for a first time cheat, it is “Once a cheat, continuously a cheat”. The winning tip is to fight that first phase of never beginning the act of infidelity.

SHE IS SCARED OF GETTING CAUGHT– Sorry guys! It’s bad enough just knowing your woman has a higher chance of cheating if she becomes powerful or when you give her a reason to. Now, I have to shatter your ego by letting you know the reason your woman is yet to stray is because she is not certain she won’t ever get caught, not because she is wrapped in your love. However, as a result of engaging in several group discussions across several social media platforms as well as physical conversations with friends and acquaintances, I can categorically assert that the female imagination runs much higher and wilder than the man, oh way more than you can ever imagine! (Before a woman will allow you touch her intimately, she has imagined you both together intimately and she had liked what she saw. If she had created a fantasy and imagination around you and she didn't like the way it played out in her imagination, you stand no chance in real life bro!) And from several discussions, women fantasize much more than men and when they fantasize, that tall chunky male in their imaginations isn't you. Sorry again guys! And from surveys carried out on the internet, many women admit that the reason they haven’t cheated on their current partner is because they aren't sure they won’t ever get caught. And many went further to admit that if there was a 100% chance of never getting caught, they will cheat. 

The reason I chose not to come in from the religious angle of the Bible/Quran preaching fidelity is because I have seen many women that, out of the 30 days in the month, they spend 29 days fasting while 21 nights out of 30 days, they spend it observing vigils. Yet for some miraculous reasons, their white wedding gowns reveal them in their final trimester glory with a proudly protruding belly nearly touching the Imam/Pastor/Priest while tying the nuptial knots. So it is safe to assume that infidelity is not affiliated in any way to religion whatsoever. From Hajias who get pregnant before marriage to sisters in the Lord that have pre-marital immaculate conception, we can all agree that temptation is a very powerful tool that anyone can fall victim to, especially women who slept with their present spouse before marriage, no matter how well bred. Because if a man that isn't a woman's husband can convince her to sleep with him, another man also can(sorry again guys!). 

And ironically, many articles stereotypically focus on why men cheat and why women cheat. But rather than follow the band wagon of writers who are eager to advise women for the zillionth time on what not to do to make their men stray(an overrated, over flogged & outdated topic if you ask me), I’d rather society starts sharing a more realistic view stance on why women would not cheat. I use the team "would" because contrary to several articles stating otherwise, cheating is a choice, a personal choice. When a man/woman crosses over from one bed to another, they have thought it through and have reached the conclusion "Whatever".

Whether you agree or not depends on your gender and your straying stage-: an anti-cheat, a pre-cheat, an intra-cheat or a post-cheat. You don’t have to share your stance publicly though because just like religion, your heated opinion will clearly reveal which side of the fence you are currently sitting.