365 Days Journey so Far - Lessons from the Ancient Wife.

For people that have come in contact with a naked wiring appliance and gotten electrocuted by chance and still alive to tell the story, you will know that despite several of these appliances having the warning “Handle with care, may cause electrocution”, or even the very glaring one of “Approach with care, naked wire ahead”, nothing will ever, I mean ever prepare you for that moment of sensual connection that leaves you disconcerted, in mind numbness and delirious confusion once your body adjusts to the unsolicited assaultive contact with an electric wire.

It’s easy for people to write or comment dramatically that “Electrocution is painful o”, or “Haa, it can kill o”, or “if you get electrocuted, it can throw you 3km away from where you were” but nothing, absolutely nothing, will prepare you for that “out of body, spiritual” feeling you get and most of all, when the surge between your body and the naked wire comes in contact, oh brother, nothing will notify you of that deep surge than the forest like dance and moves you never knew your body had. Many have likened such experience to “dancing with the gods”. Such is the flexibility but arrhythmic flow your body will assume at such assault.

You get my analogous drift with experience and knowledge, right?

Just like acquiring so many certificates and qualifications without any work experience to justify all educational achievements, knowledge will be a waste without any experience to back it up and give it volume.

Absolutely no amount of knowledge will supersede experience.

Such is same and can be said for marriage.

Forget all those blog posts written by single men and women saying “10 ways to satisfy your man after marriage “ or “How to keep your sexual life active after marriage” or “How to know if your spouse truly loves you” or “Ways to keep your spouse wanting more” or the most famous, “How to know when/if your spouse is cheating on you”

*put a very heavy hiss here*

Whatever you think you may have acquired through online or as diasporic knowledge or even shared thoughts through face to face counselling about marriage, they are just theoretical.

If there is lack of experience in the practical side of marriage, it will be easy to run one’s mouth and give unsolicited advice anyhow. (Trust me, I have been there. Thinking about the number of married friends I gave condescending advice while single, I can’t help but cringe.)

Gosh, I must have sounded condescending with my “ignore him jare let him beg you first” and my usual “don’t ever let your husband sleep with you when you are tired o. it’s your body”. So embarrassing thinking about it right now.

Has anyone even noticed that most of the people that proffer marital advice are usually single people that have not even done ordinary introduction talk less of marriage?

Anyway, that’s not the issue.

I celebrated 365 days with my Hubby some days back and I could not believe it was just that short a period we had spent together.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not talking about being so sappily happy that I could not remember where all the days and months went flying past.

Naaaaah, not that.  It was more like “I survived this year with this guy without going crazy?”

You see, someone once said, when you get married you become philosophical. I need to meet that person and prepare him/her a wonderful dish with lots of praises as the person must have been referring to me.

At times when I issue solid advice to people who are about to tie the knot or just few months into their marriage, they look at me and say out loud, “are you sure you are 25yrs old?” (Not my problem if you don’t believe that age o). I don’t blame them because some advice and philosophical sayings that come from me, especially after marriage  makes me very certain I am a reincarnation of an aged woman that lived up to 200 years centuries ago and had seen it all before  old age caught up with her elusive self.

After 365 days with my Hubby, I can categorically say there is nothing I don’t know or that can catch me by surprise any longer. With him, I have seen so many shades of patience I never for one day knew I even had, sacrifices I have made that will put Abraham’s sheep offering to God to a small level, tolerance that my mother is willing to bet I do not possess, and finally resignation that I have to adopt the “if you want it done, you better do it yourself because this guy you are married to does not look like he will be moving from that bean bag this century”.

Oh by all means, I am extremely happy with my choice of hubby. In fact, you will be right in saying ours is a union meant to be. Such is the level of compatibility and chemistry. We are quite different in our approach to some issues yet very alike in character, share different tastes in almost everything yet manage to cohabitate peacefully (“peacefully” here is relative, more like me just doing it to make peace reign). He makes me laugh a whole lot and considering I am a very humorous person that finds humour in the most mundane of things, you can imagine how much of a blessing to be married to someone that has a wicked and huge sense of humour, not to mention God fearing and extremely sensitive to my moods and emotions. Marriage to him has been worth it.

I definitely chose well.

But at the same time, I look at him sometimes, actually most times,(all the time actually) and I silently ask myself while adorning a dagger look, “abeg who be this guy”?

The past 365 days have actually been an eye opener and has reinforced some lessons I had learnt theoretically before marriage but can now lay claim to have practical knowledge after marriage.

1)      As a wife, you will make more sacrifices than your husband. Don’t fight it. Just start talking to God on how not to push him down the stairs while making those sacrifices.

2)      When it comes to finance, a man wants to be responsible for his family upkeep. It makes a man feel good mentally & does a lot of boost to their ego when he can and has catered for his family.  Which is why when a man is unhappy, just know he is simply broke. A man’s ego is tied to his wallet. So as a wife, never fight it. Save your money for those future days when the kids start running to you to say “Mummy, daddy gave me this ridiculous amount that I should manage as during his time, he got less from his parents”. There and then, you can throw your money weight around so the kids can like you better(I'm actually going to do this as no child of mine will write any essay or any debate with “Fathers are better than mothers”). But for the early days, discard your financial weight arrogance and daily chants about “female emancipation & gender equality” and let him be the provider he was designed to be.

3)      As a wife, you are never going to win an argument with the husband. Unpossible! You see, the average man is a hunter, a dominator and will never agree to stooping to conquer for peace so when a man sees and knows he is about losing the argument, he will play the “you don’t respect me enough in this marriage” card and you will end up apologising for attempting to hurt his fragile ego forgetting he was at fault from the onset. (This is the part you remember my first point as women making more sacrifices)

4)      Never argue with an upset spouse whose ego is somehow threatened. The minute a man becomes angry, a man is no longer rational or hearing the actual words we are actually saying.

      If for instance the words you say are, “I am of the opinion it may not make sense for us to go down that road”. What the man heard was “I am of the opinion it may not make(ing) sense for us to go down that road”, then he goes, “Oh, so I am not making sense, abi?”. He picks that up and starts throwing the old cards “So I don’t make sense when I talk abi”, “I am senseless shey”? At this point, you are no longer fighting about what started the argument but now you will be trying to pacify his fragile deaf ego while he still raves on saying “your tone with me these days is disrespectful and rude”. Then you will have to apologise for your “rude tone” forgetting totally that he was at fault from the beginning. (You will still refer back to my first point of women making the most sacrifice”)

5)      Men never actually grow up. And when it comes to food, every man is a child. He will want it in all the varieties you can come up with. And when a man is hungry, forget existing for any other reason except to fulfil your purpose on earth and at that very moment during his hunger seizure, your only purpose on earth is to feed him. You will discover that when it comes to food, men can be irrational and slightly selfish. 

      This is why some men come home late and still ask “Is there pounded yam? Can I have some, but if it will be any trouble, please don’t bother as I don’t want to stress you. Can I get bread”? Come on! He knows there is no bread in the fridge and because we women are emotionally compassionate, we want to please him and voila, you are in the kitchen making poundo yam and putting the deeply frozen efo riro and turkey stew into the microwave so olori ebi can eat and be satiated. There have even been days Hubby would request for a specific (this means difficult and complicated) meal which I’d prepare and when I'm done making his own meal and my own preferred choice and he sights my food, he will want mine and like a resigned mother of quadruplets that wants everything the mother owns, I’d have to eat his meal while he relishes my own with joy and excitement. And if by chance he finishes his (mine in the first place o) food first, he will come over to eat with me and even struggle with the last morsel and meat while saying “couples that eat together stay happy together”. (Remember my first point about sacrifice? Does it not remind you of a mother sacrificing for her child? Right!)

6)      Men like to negotiate for anything that requires something from them and most times, they will win these negotiations. When a man is assigned a task by his wife, his first thought is “what’s in it for me & how does it directly benefit or inconvenience me? Can I get a special meal or sex if I agree to do this?” Usually when I assign a task to Hubby, it is with resignation I watch the expression on his face change into various forms as he starts with a mutinous look then to a sly look of contemplation and finally adorning a stubborn look but when he sees that my expression is worse, he goes and completes the task, though reluctantly. I have mastered the expressions on his face when he is weighing whether he can frustrate me into completing the task myself or just bargain for it. You have no idea how many times the most mundane of tasks like “Baby can you pick your shorts from the floor and put in your closet space” is returned with “What am I getting in return if I do this?” Most times, I just do it myself as getting him to do a task is like getting one’s child into the bathtub to take a shower. You will end up getting wet yourself. So what I do is to suggest a hall pass. A hall pass is when I request a task from Hubby that is expected of him to do but since I have accepted such won’t be happening in this century, I will decide to negotiate for it. Hall pass is, well, for people that have watched the movie, you will have an idea what this means but not exactly as the movie o. Let’s just say Hubby can have as much as 15 hall passes with me that he can call for at any point in time, no matter where I can be or what I can be doing. (That’s all I’m saying). So whenever I ask him to do a task, he will ask “Are we doing anything?” Once I say “Yes”, Hubby will walk happily to complete the task assigned. If my response is “No”, he simply hisses and mutinously continues whatever he was doing. Once I see his back, I know the only way any task will be completed that day is if I do it myself.

     So like I earlier said, knowledge has nothing where experience stands. 365 days bonding with my better half has seen me making so many sacrifices with dramatic resignation, And unlike many who are still battling with some basic marriage 101 knowledge, I am already aware that every man is a baby, one just needs to know how, where, and when to pet one to get what she wants.

Oh, and yes, marriage is fun and totally worth it by the way…..for women willing and ready to make lots, as in lots, I mean, a whole lot of sacrifice.

As in, a whole lot! You cannot begin to imagine!

Customer Service - An Inadequate Investment

Any smart company intending to make a lasting profit knows that good customer service is the lifeblood of any business that wants hopes to survive.

So, contrary to popular belief and misconception that customer service duties belong in the soft skill section that requires little no attention and that anyone can learn and perfect their art on so long as they are adequately trained, customer service employees deserve to earn as high as a lawyer or medical doctor as they are actually saving your business and giving it a positive.

So doing anything apart from pampering your golden egg layers will be a disastrous move, which several companies either do not know or simply do not care.

In fact, it makes it ridiculous when companies give low budgets to their customer service dept or even outsource a whole customer service to another organisation that couldn't don't care one bit on the impact of a poor and non-chalant customer service team so long as they get their pay check at the end of the month and dish out a miserly part of the cash to the “unappreciated staff”(I have worked once in an organisation that did this)

I even find it immensely disturbing that companies do not scrutinise shrewdly the kinds of talents they invite into their companies to handle their customers directly since they are the lifeblood of any all business(es).

I have watched some “candidates” being recruited into the customer service section of some companies and I turned to the interviewer and say “like seriously?, is the company aware of this mistake you are about to make by hiring this person that is not even confident enough to look into your face least of all handle a high net worth customer?”

Fine, I didn't say that but I definitely thought about it.

I mean, if you do not have the right amount of passion and dedication to attend to different level of craps, compassion that may not be felt for the first few minutes of an angry customer's rant, patient energy and ability to keep quiet when someone is screaming at you over the phone while the tone of your voice remains the same when you finally get to chip in "I understand how you feel", (even if you are wondering and fuming silently whether Harry Potter can swing his magic wand and turn the customer into a stone, or a melting lava) why would you consider working in such unit that demands your pliancy, consistent smile and positive energy at all times for little cash exchange?

Customer Service jobs in Nigeria is actually one of the most challenging jobs which is why the turnover is very high as few people can actually tolerate insults being rained down on them when they don’t deserve it. But you can’t blame them as most companies are not willing to invest in their customer service unit and train their employees adequately on how to deal with different levels of egocentric frustrations and how to pet the golden goose that will lay the golden eggs and increase their revenue.

So in a bid to cut cost, several companies disregard the most important department of their company and focus on other departments that would not even be in existence or have anything to do if there are no customers.

They forget that in Nigeria, it's not what you say or even the quality of product you offer but how you actually say it and present the products and inflate their egos as you kiss their feet and tell them how grateful you are for the N500 they have invested in your company. 

Here in Naija, you have to rub every spender's underbelly even though you feel like puncturing the spleen while smiling like you are aiming for a Close-Up award. 

I mean, does it even make any sense to anyone? We blame foreign companies for treating us harshly in our country and yet the few indigenous companies we have end up giving out the most important unit of their company to another profit making company to handle with little no care so long as the data shows that the calls coming in are being handled.

Whatever happened to satisfaction and retention? Whatever happened to going the extra mile and sacrificing to make a customer happy? I mean, I have done it before; travelled to Ibadan to deliver an order to a customer who I empathised with as the product was something he needed to get to his son in Ghana the next day.

Because I was determined to give a good impression, I had to beg Hubby to drive me down to Ibadan to customer's house. There was no monetary reward but the stunned look on the customer's face when he saw me was my reward and I smiled throughout the drive back to Lagos.

I will give my customer service effectiveness to my previous employer who gave us world class training. (trust me, it was world class. We were embarrassed with all levels of training. Any little break or space was filled with a training session so I know training has a lot to do with one's performance in one's job)

That is what customer service is about and if one does not have that passion, then it is the wrong unit to work in. However, I also understand the compensation needs to commensurate with the effort which is where my stance is.

I believe the term “lifeblood” simply means “without it, there is no hope of survival”. So why do companies ignore that department and practically employ cretins anyone that is so much as ready to settle for an embarrassingly low peanuts income?

For the records, I am a serial online shopper. (Trust me, that is actually laying it mildly & that’s a term to replace the title, lazy market goer that hates to step foot in a physical market).

I can’t remember the last time I shopped outside the screen of my cute red maroon laptop and why should I, when I can simply connect my Airtel BB Etisalat modem to my reliable laptop and log on to konga.com for household stuff, mrp.com for some fairly priced very expensive but a must have piece of denim clothing, or jaramall.com for grocery. If there is one person taking advantage and totally enjoying the new tech age, then it is yours truly.

Hubby has labelled me an extremely lazy shopper who does not visit Mile 12 market like other wives and is proud ashamed on my behalf.

Did I ever mention Hubby can be a traditionalist? (Erm, I know it sounds like herbalist but it’s not, just a refined name to mean “bush man”).

Anyway, to the issue at hand…

I basically have functional accounts with several online stores in Nigeria and overseas and I have been exposed to several customer service experiences within & outside Nigeria and I can categorically say that customer service in Nigeria is messed up and only very few companies (can count on one finger) get it right.

One thing is certain, few customer service professionals in Nigeria are adequately trained to handle irate customers.

And Nigeria is different because the average Nigerian is already angry by nature and coupled with the unfavourable condition of the country, we are upset with everything in Nigeria. So it is normal for a Nigerian customer to work into a store already angry and daring the shop owner to treat him less than the princely royal fawning he deserves. So being a Nigerian is already annoying enough but to now cap it with crappy services for a service they are about to pay for or have paid for will send any born and bred Nigeria into a huge rage.

This is something any existing company in Nigeria should know as we all have this entitlement mentality that we deserve to be worshipped wherever we put our money. So if I call an on-line store to complain about a service I want to pay for or have even paid for and the customer agent at the other end cannot rub my fanny in a soft way or ruffle my abdomen in a placating and soothing way to feed my already overblown ego, THAT COMPANY IS GOING DOWN.

Forget story, In Nigeria, every money spender believes he/she is a god and if companies are not willing to have their employees worship a customer every-time they as much as flash their coins naira, THAT COMPANY WILL HEAR FROM MY LAWYERS.

Watching a typical Nigerian assert his right over a service he paid for is downright entertaining. With spittle flying everywhere and wild arms gesticulating and screams over the phone that can be heard in a galaxy far away while he quotes an unexisting part of the constitution on how he can close down a company by just a phone call, one will think he has spent a million naira.

It doesn’t matter what he bought o. It could be just a roll of Durex or a sachet of expired Dettol soap. So long as money has exchanged hand, a Nigerian will bring down the roof to let you know he cannot be cheated in his father’s land and quick to mention “A customer is the king. You have no right to talk or shout at me, where is your manager?”

And this one that the book on constitutional rights is now being sold in traffic, we Nigerians are quick to shout “I know my right! I will sue you and I will bring down your company! I will show you who I am!”

Well, he is definitely the customer and he is a KING.(just without a visible crown, not even with that 700 naira Downtown perfume he just bought in 2014).

He is still a customer and he is the lifeblood of your business. He deserves to be honoured.

The sad truth however is that many companies just think they are customer service oriented but many are not. They just like the concept. Companies are not willing to invest on employees with soft skills, which is where customer service falls and until a company's training budget matches its engineering, sales, marketing or financial unit, the company cannot claim to be customer focused. Until a company can train hugely and properly its customer facing staff as hugely as its technical team, it is definitely not customer service oriented. 

Many of these companies are simply existing due to lack of better competitors.

However, times are changing fast. Emotional intelligence is becoming an important prerequisite to satisfying and retaining customers. Customers are beginning to see through the bulls**t of many companies and are no longer willing to put their money where they are not being treated as kings.

And for customers to be treated as kings, their main servants (the customer agents that deal directly with them) have to be treated like the golden chicken laying the golden egg.

If you value your customers, you will value the staff you have on your front line manning their interests.

Otherwise, it’s tick…tock….tick….tock…tick….tock

So, Are You a Party Crasher?

You heard right. Stay away!

One of the many ways to know you have “arrived” in Nigeria and can be considered as an A-list party thrower is your ability to throw a party for 500guests but able to cater for as much as 5000 guests.

That extra zero was not a mistake I assure you.

In fact, it is no longer considered headline news that anyone willing to have his/her party termed a successful one in Nigeria, will have to double the catering expectations of whatever number of people they think they are actually expecting.

This simply means that if you “think” you are expecting 1000 guests, you better make adequate provision to seat and serve 2000 people.

Actually, 2500 people, as the caterers themselves will take half of whatever they cook for you and probably throw some parts of the cows and goats you took a loan from work to buy over the fence for their own people to catch and take home for them.

This is because one does not simply cater for the number of guests expected. No one in Nigeria attends wedding functions alone even if the invitation card boldly says “This card admits one”

Hian! For where!

Things like that don’t work here. If you ask me, I think it’s a waste of time. The only way you can get a small guest turn-out for any event in Nigeria is not to reveal the venue and occasion until the day of the event itself.

And with many overloaded Bach-eve parties where the venue is usually revealed just an hour before it started, we know this does not work any more.
And that is why you see at some weddings, some mother of the day looks so upset and angry because, while the compère is ushering in some important guests, the mother of the day is busy watching the number of meat and moin-moin that is being kept on each plate of the guest and the number of plates of rice and iyan that is coming in as she counts them all in the silence of her mind, so that when the her younger sister comes on the high table to quietly whisper into her ears that “eran ti tan ma”(the meat is finished) you see the mother of the day’s colour beneath the heavily induced make up shift from red to purple then finally topaz before settling back to the different colours on display on her face.

And while still cursing and muttering on the dishonesty of the caterers and vowing never to use them for any event again, she stylishly uses her leg to shift out one big cooler under the high table filled with meat & croaker fish and give to her sister, with a parting warning, “eran kan kan ni ke fisi ori ounje nsin o” (just put one meat on each food from now o)

At any party in Nigeria, there is always a plan B because a plan A without a plan B in Nigeria is no plan at all.

You should understand this is as a result of the “mogbo moya”, “the ancestral ghosts” in form of unsolicited guests who were not invited but somewhere at the back of their minds have convinced themselves the party will not be complete without them in attendance, or their friends they will also be coming with, and the wives of their friends and her younger sister, with three of her friends.

*sighs* Welcome to Lagos party folks!

The “mogbo moya” attitude is now a prevalent syndrome in Nigeria and it has gotten so bad that telling people you intend to have a party that will be “strictly by invitation” is considered an abomination and an impossible feat and a swift way of making enemies.

Because even when you successfully have a wedding or party that is “strictly by invitation”, be rest assured that you will lose the friendship of so many relatives and friends that didn't get this “special invite” and will be quick to delete you from their bbm, unfriend you from facebook, unfollow you from twitter and generally consider you a once upon-a time friend who betrayed the friendship-hood by committing that unforgivable act.

Not exaggerating but I still have people that are not on speaking terms with me since I dared to get married and did not remember to invite them!

Talk about aggrieved friends.

You should understand that people like the idea of an exclusive “strictly by invitation” event. I mean, it is a nice feeling to be considered worthy enough to be a recipient to one of those quaint but fab-looking wedding invitation cards reading “strictly by invitation” as it tells that the wedding will have all the settings of a luxurious ambience. What they cannot for the love of Abraham fathom is the abominable act of not being considered exclusive enough to get those fab-looking cards themselves.

That my dear, is where the acrimony comes from. No one wants to believe they are not seen as posh or classy enough to be a part of such opulence that restricts other lesser beings.

Suffice to say that the “strictly by invitation” party theme is another swift avenue to make enemies out of relatives and friends.

I remembered when I was planning my wedding and I was telling Hubby I’d like for us to have the regular engagement party on a Friday which would be for “gbogbo ero” and “taja teran” while the wedding proper would be on a Sunday at Protea Hotel, Southern Sun Banquet hall or Sheraton hotel with an extremely strictly by invitation white roses theme concept, and with just 60 guests we will be able to identify by their faces at first glance and a priest coming down to the hotel venue to join us while Tony Bennett croons “The Way You Look Tonight” softly into the melodious background while our close family and friend looks on in adoration.

This clear and vivid image of how I wanted my wedding to turn out was something I should have shared with hubby way before we got serious.

His idea of a wedding ceremony was totally different from mine. Totally!

You should have seen the look he gave me after suggesting a wedding for 60people in a very exclusive setting with just our close friends and family. He simply busted into laughter and told me to get it out of my fantasy mind sharply as his immediate family members alone would conveniently make up that number and not forgetting the fact that he is an “anfani adugbo” (he knows practically everybody that is somebody).

Let me briefly explain why I knew the idea won’t sail even before telling Hubby.

The guy I am married to knows everybody worth knowing and has attended everyone’s party at some point in time, both as an invitee and as a “mogbo moya”. I have seen him in action where a friend will just call him up and say “how far, wetin you dey do this evening”? (This call may just come in at 12 noon and we may be lying in each other’s arms savouring a quiet weekend together) Hubby will respond with “nothing, I just dey house with wifey” and this will excite the friend who will then respond, “shey you go show for area, one guy dey do birthday and I hear say alchy and meat go plenty”(when it comes to satisfying a Nigerian guy at a Nigerian party, just get lots of alcohol and meat & they will willingly sell their souls to the celebrant; whoever he/she may be), and hubby will respond with “Ehn, I go show, I sabi the person?” and his friend will respond “At all, even me sef no sabi am but na open space so no worry, Jide(not real name) go dey there so we dey alright”. And my hubby will then turn towards me after ending the call and say “babes, I have a party this evening, so I may be a little late”.

And I will look at him in horror and basically want to scream though end up speaking softly “you don’t have a party to attend, you this annoying specie, you are about to gatecrash a party”. You don’t even know the celebrant!!!”. And Hubby will look at me with a perplexed look as if convincing himself I am not as retarded as the question I just asked, “didn’t you just hear the conversation? That is the closest to an invitation anyone can get”. And right in front of me, he will get up and prepare for a party he just got to hear about a minute back without knowing the celebrant.

I gave up fighting the lost battle of him getting a personal and exclusive invite after I discovered it was a generic act among men.

Men do not wait to be invited to any event. All they need is just one person to mention that he knows the celebrant and off they go to a party, any party.

Me? Hian! If I do not get a direct notification or invite from the celebrant directly, no amount of cash/chocolates/seafood will make me attend such event, not even in the company of my mum who may have been invited.

Anyway, that was how my posh and exclusive dream of just 60 guests in a garden-like kinda wedding like in the movie “The Best Man” was blown into a full carnival.

I can even still remember the look on my face on the high table as I saw people sauntering through with some throwing perks and effusive waves my way. In my mind, I was just like “ooook, do I know u?” “Now where did you come from?” “I’m sorry but have we met?”, “Who are these people baby?”.

We Nigerians, as far as I'm concerned are the most ego-centric species on the surface of the earth but when it comes to crashing a party, or any occasion for that matter, we throw egos and shame into the wind.

Because I really cannot fathom why an invitation card that has the words “STRICTLY BY INVITATION” written boldly on it does not stop people from coming with their whole generation and even get strangely spurred by that “strictly by invitation” and come along with their friends, friend’s friend, their friend’s lover, her own two friends and her friend’s boyfriend’s younger sister.

It is just so rude and another kind of evil that needs its own special name trying to shorten the ration of some meal meant for people like us that actually got the invite.

I am sure if the celebrant wanted everyone to invite their dynasty, both the ones at home and in diaspora, he or she would have written it boldly on the IV saying “COME ONE, COME ALL”.

And this is why I love the Europeans.

If they have table reservations for 60, you can be rest assured that the number may be less but it would never be more as whoever is not invited already knows he has no business coming.

And for your info, it’s usually very easy to know the “mogbo moyas” (the gate crashers) as they are always seated very close to where the food is being served, they have roving eyes, and they order all the food on the menu and drink all the available wines and juice as if they are partaking in the last meal.

Well, that is how it’s done in Nigeria which is why many people now consider a party incomplete without Aso-ebis so as to be able to tell the chaff from the real deal. It does not mean though that everyone wearing the Aso-ebi was actually  invited.

I have seen someone purchase an Aso-ebi for an occasion she found out about online via the wedding site of the couple.

Welcome to Nigeria folks, where anyone and practically everyone is invited either by gate crashing or by inviting themselves through a friend who does not like to attend events alone.

As you may have suspected, the term “strictly by invitation” will only work in your dreams or if you spend the equivalent amount spent on food on security who will ward off people that do not look like they belong.

As for me, if I am not invited, I have no business being there.

This does not work for my Hubby sha o. 

#okbye