Warning: How Safe is Your Success From Friends & Relatives?

They really, really are stupid and only lazy people make them.

I don’t believe in New Year resolutions.  

I would even go further to say people only make New Year resolutions when they are either drunk, momentarily touched by the words of a smooth talking pastor who seemed to be shining brightly like an angel with halo on the pulpit, those that are financially broke, people that are depressed or suffering from a myriad of negative emotions. And I also believe it is quite foolish for anyone to wait till December before making a resolution to carry out an activity or stop a bad habit in the coming year.

I mean, who sips on half a pint of Hennessey while puffing away a stick of Aspen on December 31^st and says “my new year resolution is to quit drinking and smoking”?

A non-serious reformer if you ask me who would probably be making the same resolution in the coming 5 years!

I intend to become an extremely successful female entrepreneur and I have backed this statement with realistic action steps towards achieving such great feat and having being opportune to work closely with one of the most intense, driven, determined and successful entrepreneur in this side of the continent, my quest and drive for success has passionately swelled to an unbelievable optimum level. I learnt from him that the only thing standing between one and success is fear and doubt. And that with the right people encouraging and cheering you on, the sky is simply the beginning of what can be achieved.

I understand that there are still some situations that I would have to change either consciously or unconsciously in the coming years to accommodate my quest for achieving immense success. I am also aware I may lose many friends in this quest as well as probably become an alien to some relatives but like the famous saying that I totally understand and relate with, the road to success will be paved with loneliness. I have also discovered some reasons why it may be necessary for people aiming to achieve success to isolate themselves from some group of people, in order to become successful.

JUST BECAUSE YOU CHOOSE SUCCESS DOESN’T MEAN FRIENDS OR FAMILY WILL:  People naturally have a tendency for not wanting to be left behind in any successful decision you take no matter how little they contribute to such success. And because many people are too lazy to ever become wealthy, some close friends and relatives will make you feel bad for making too much. You may even get called for a meeting for being too ambitious and greedy as society and even some religious homes have attributed wealth to greed and evil. And for those that are not averse to your wealth, they will automatically expect you to be responsible for their financial responsibilities just because you now make a whole lot.

What to Do- Except you have an unending capital and money bank and are quite willing to take all financial responsibilities, they may need to be cut some slack until they understand you owe them nothing. Reasoning with such people will never yield any good outcome as such people tend to have a misplaced sense of entitlement and they will frown at every accomplishment you make; buying a car, building a new house, sending your kids to private institution. They will never understand why you just bought a new car when they have not even paid their house rent.

THEY SEE YOU FOR WHO YOU WERE AND NOT WHO YOU HAVE BECOME: Many of your friends and relatives will never be able to come to terms with the fact that the person they once shared their childhood with over a bowl of rice without fish, Garri without groundnut or who they once lived in a one room apartment with, has now become so successful. Many people cannot handle having a friend that is much more successful than them. Such people would always try to say something nasty every time someone extols your new status. They will always see you for the struggling unsuccessful person that you used to be. These set of people would need to be cut off until they understand your success has come to stay and they are either with you or against you in your journey for success.

What to Do- For your success to keep growing through determination and motivation from people that really matter, the only friends you want to keep are the ones who support you along the way and realize the new man or woman you have become and are willing to encourage it. 

ONCE YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL, YOUR VALUES WILL CONFLICT- Many successful people try to maintain their old lifestyle but such folly never works as truth remains that, your level has changed and as such, your values would inevitably have to go through a radical change process. The way you see money and success would also be reviewed and revised, as well as your orientation about life in general. For those of us that grew up in fairly comfortable homes, we grew up having a special kind of resentment for wealthy people and associating their success with evil deeds but as we became more comfortable and grew higher in the social strata, we became more understanding and less judgmental. A big lifestyle change has to occur when you become successful. For instance, you may have been the sort of person that could walk into the main Mile 12 market to shop for your foodstuff while price haggling intensely with the Hausa sellers or Yoruba women. Maybe you get to do such once a while with some of your friends. However, once you become successful, it is only fair that you spend more time thinking more of ways to make more money and less time doing any personal shopping. Also, you may be the sort of person that hung with your crew every Friday evening from 8:00pm till dawn but once you become successful, you will be more focused and determined and less generous with your time as you indulge more in success chasing activities and less time on frivolous events. Understand that your life style change may be viewed by your friends & relatives as arrogance.

What to do- Trying to explain to your friends that your success has made you more time constrained will make them rather upset. You owe no one any explanation regarding your new status as the people that really matter will totally understand. We all hope to be successful one day and any friend worth your time will understand and respect your values after a while and choose to accept to see you at your available times. With success comes great responsibility and improving your character is necessary for success, and so you will be disturbed by lack of it among friends who aren't as successful. Be careful who you allow to influence your life and strength of character at this stage. 

YOUR INCOME WILL EQUAL THE SUM OF YOUR CLOSEST 7 FRIENDS. Sounds unrealistic, right? Ever heard the statement, “you become who you roll with”?  Just think about this deeply. Why do you think successful men only move with men such as themselves or why rich men’s wives only make friends with other rich men’s wives? I am not advising that you give up your old friends just because you now make more than them but understand that wealth begets wealth. Understand that if you choose the wrong friends, you are inevitably choosing your future financial fate.

What to Do-Teach your friends how to fish. It’s more fun if your friends and you belong in the same successful category. At all times, your success demands from you productivity of everyone around you especially coupled with your own limited time. So if you have friends that are not in any way contributing to your success or offering valuable advice to make you an asset to your community, you may want to ensure you do not spend much valuable time that you can be using to make more money with them.  

SOME FRIENDS & RELATIVES WILL SUCK YOUR ENERGY- Some of these people will test your energy, patience and attitude. They will comment on all your pictures on social media so people will know they used to know you and they usually do this in a very familiar way so people can understand how far they have come with you. You may hear things like “mad man, na me and am dey go iya basira together back then”, “see how she fine for here o. I still have that picture we took in Aunty Bola’s studio. Those were the days mehn”. That way, people know they deeply know you. They may even try and place a call through to you when they are with such people who they may have boasted to that they are deeply familiar with you. Understand that many of them may not support your dreams and have no qualms about telling that to you whether privately or publicly. Be aware that you will not be able to fully commit to your dreams if you have people telling you that you can’t accomplish them. It would be hard to do so. A positive attitude is nowhere near as contagious as a negative and that’s why you have to be very careful with the things you allow into your mind and friends that will consistently tell you that.

What to do- Give such people breathing space until they get the message. A friend that aligns with your goals will be pragmatic and understand your stance while an energy sapping friend who simply likes the claim to fame will never understand. You don’t need such people.

How successful you become will depend on how much you back it with substantial actions

Success has no religion, no race, has few friends, knows no gender and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being success driven. Success recognizes dedication and is affiliated to just one action- HARD-WORK.

In your quest for success, you will have to challenge traditions, you will make people very uncomfortable with your obsession and determination and this will make them question their beliefs. And they won’t like that. Such people will try to stamp on you and kill your ambitions and goals. When you share your success dreams with people who matter, the interest is genuine and they want to be a part of it. People who don’t care will tell you from the start “It cannot work”, “It’s not possible”, “This person tried it and it didn't work”, “you will just ruin your marriage with this your success goals”, “This person is already doing it so better don’t waste your time”.

As Jason Njoku once stated, “Being successful involves travelling through a very lonely path and along the way, you will lose friends and relatives who do not understand your passionate need for success".

And like the deep lyrics of MI’s RICH song, “Ilekun ashi, ishe owo mii fi alubarika si, everything we dey face right now go turn stories, we will all be rich”. (The doors will open. May God bless my hustle & grind. Everything we are facing now will become history. We will all be rich!)

But only for those willing to do the hard work and ready to give it all it takes.

Got any type of friends or relatives that I haven’t listed above that needs to be let go to maintain success? Share and let’s be prepared to take them off our list!