Real Marriage Lessons- What They Never Taught Us

Have you ever worried that someone you're supposed to trust might not be telling you the whole truth? Maybe your secondary school teacher? Or that uncle or aunt that almost always come visiting with a bag of goodies to last you for the century? Or maybe God forbid, that lover you gave your innocence?

I mean, society says that we are supposed to trust these set of people, right? And we definitely want to but what if they're not telling us something?

Just as we all have a tendency to believe in gossips, scandals, and lies, we also believe there are some information that we ought to know about, right? Like the terms and conditions of a product or service or contract of agreement with the necessary warning so that way, we are better prepared to deal with whatever comes along, isn't it?

Well, welcome to marriage! A place where you find out everything only after you have signed the dotted lines.

Yes, we have all judged and walked down the aisle swearing that our own marriage will be the best and the most perfect. But we wake up 2 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 years or even 15 years later wondering how we survived the past married years without strangling our spouses while being judged by the younger generation for being so slow, too tolerant, too forgiving, too accepting, too soft, too hot, too cold, too married.

One of the advantages I have had as a blogger is that many readers have shared their marital experiences and somehow it has contributed to the tolerance rate of my marriage with my ever amazing Hubby who finds new ways to push back the frontiers of annoyance. Because whenever I lament that Hubby has gone and done it again by leaving his socks on the staircase or left the lights on in all the rooms overnight, there is usually that reader somewhere in Abuja, Jigawa, Brunei, Lebanon, Russia or Rivers that sends me a mail letting me know my situation is even mild compared to hers and goes ahead to lament on the evils her own Hubby had committed the past week and which she had been tolerating for the past few years. And when I hear such amusing but tolerance laden stories, not only do I laugh and empathize while we share funny anecdotes about our spouses, I also get to learn to be more tolerant knowing that somewhere on this earth, there is another long suffering spouse dealing with an unbelievably scattered spouse while another may be dealing with one that wants to make love every 6 hours while another may be dealing with one that likes to eat only fresh meals daily.

The internet in its own mischievous way has helped spouses deal with their marriages when they read and learn about other couples while discovering that their spouse's peculiarities isn't even peculiar at all. People actually feel a little better when they learn that what they are experiencing in marriage is also being experienced worldwide. I mean, I only found out recently it was normal for female spouses to come up with occasional excuses just to avoid sex while I also learnt from another that it was normal for men to choose food over their spouses so much they are not willing to understand when you are tired and just want to sleep. So as a way of sharing marriage lessons and what marriage is really about and what we have all learnt, several couples agreed to share their experiences in marriage and the lessons they got to learn only after they had returned from the honeymoon.

As for me, marriage has taught me patience I never knew I could possess and that when it comes to food, sex & attention, men are NOT willing to compromise. I have also learnt to do everything by myself, that's if I want them in their original position. But it has also thought me selflessness, forgiveness, being tolerant and has taught me that for the next sixty something years that I’d be married to Hubby, I’d be required to cook every day except when he travels and that except he’s not in the mood, I’d have to be available to turn it up at all times he says oya otherwise he will bring in Sulia, omo Iya Alamala to assist me.

Meet the Onis'

Ayodeji Oni 
I had always wished to get married to a stubborn woman but apparently I over did my wishes as I got more than I bargained for -an original iron lady. But then again, I realized I am the spoilt brat and she is just whom God should have given me long ago. Marriage isn’t exactly Christmas, but if well nurtured with patience and love and trust, marriage can be like a child that got a gift from Santa. I am that child that got a gift from Santa. And wifey is the gift.

Meet the Adeites'

Olayinka Adeite
My husband, I call him Blue-bunny, is the silliest, funniest, most humorous, caring and loving person I have ever met. Jeeez, his humor is world best. Marriage has taught me PATIENCE, WISDOM and TOLERANCE. He sure knows how to push my buttons but I have learnt to let things go and just yesterday I realized that I have matured in my few months of been married and the good news is I married my friend.

Meet the Kaponas'

Faith Kapona Arikpo 
So its just one month after officially saying I do, and I have learnt that  men do not like to wait for food, sex and for you to finish making up! They will almost finish the meat or any edible ingredient before the main dish is actually ready. The most annoying part is not allowing me to draw my perfect brows or eye liner in peace. Men should understand that we cannot just wake up, take a shower, put on a dress and go! Make-up is an art, it cannot, I repeat, cannot be rushed. So my hubby already knows that he has to wait for me to at least finish applying foundation before hitting the bathroom, if we are to make it out of the house together at the same pace. 

Meet the Adedejis'

Toyin Adedeji 
Marriage has taught me that I'd probably be coming back home for the rest of my life to a scattered house with socks lying everywhere, shoes under the table, shirts beside the TV, and I'd probably be spending the rest of my life cooking daily for my food loving husband. And on days that I am not in the kitchen and at the office, I’d probably be on my back having sex. But marriage has also taught me to be patient to a ridiculous level as men need patient wives. It has also taught and helped me to be a better person, to be prayerful, hopeful and most importantly, positive always.

Meet the Coles'

Jumoke Cole 
I never knew I could be docile until I got married. In my marriage, I have accepted my role as a wife, a maid, a house keeper and a daily cook. My Hubby's love for chicken and beef is just too annoying. After serving him a plateful of orisirisi, I will still catch him in the kitchen trying to steal some more from my pot. Despite his annoying ways, he is an extremely loving man and sincerely, I don’t know what I would do without my sweetz.

Meet Dayo & wifey

Dayo
Marriage my dear, is teaching me to be MORE independent so as to avoid unnecessary arguments over stuff I expect my partner to know. For instance, who leaves one or two pieces of meat in a big pot with no stew in the fridge or better still in the freezer? Oh, that’s right, my darling spouse! Marriage is also teaching me to eat like a king as wifey knows how to pamper me. I am not really a food person but when you marry a woman who knows her food well like mine does, you simply look forward to going home to eat.

Meet the Olotus'

Claudette Olamide-Olotu
Learning how to forgive a thousand times in a day is one of d greatest lessons that marriage has taught me. Divorce is not an option in my home, so we experience the many challenges that comes along with marriage together and we learn from the experience and this helps make us stronger and more united. We are a team and its "till death do us apart. Motherhood on the other hand has taught me I may never be a size 10 again *sniffs*, but it has also taught me how to love selflessly and truly, it has opened my eyes to see how beautiful and precious life could be.

Meet the Mabos'

Ade Mabo 
Marriage to my spouse has made me accept that she’d probably be spending the rest of her life trying to change all my bad habits (and I don’t have much o) And she has shown me what it means to love selflessly as she gives me her all, faithful to death and I am willing to die for our love(I am aware this statement has officially killed all my cables). But knowing every bit of her heart belongs to me wholeheartedly keeps me going.

Meet the Ashcrofts'

Ijeoma Olusola-Ashcroft 
‎In my 1+ year experience, marriage to my husband has taught me to increase my crap-taking level and learn how to strangle someone’s neck in my mind while smiling charmingly. It has taught me I may never be a size 4 again, that surrogacy is a good option. And I have also learnt to accept (not like I had a choice) that my knees would be touching the floor forever in the name of greeting in the Yoruba way, and that eating out and getting gifts is strictly for birthdays and anniversaries. Despite all these however, I have learnt to accept diversity in cultures and reasoning and also to accept what I cannot change. Love is the only thing that really matters. You CANNOT stay with someone you don't love.

Meet the Sofidiyas'

Morayo Bakare-Sofidiya 
Marriage has taught me extreme patience. My husband is the gentlest man and I mean in all areas even matters of life and death. He takes his time with EVERYTHING and it irritates me to death. He should win an award for world procrastinator. I guess what irritates me about him is also what makes me love him so completely. He is so calm and always in control of situations which brings sanity to my ever boisterous life.



So, how about you? What has marriage taught you? Care to share?