Facebook and the Ripple Effect.

It’s now more than seven years since Mark Zuckerberg invented Facebook or pilfered the idea, depending on whose version of the story you choose to believe. Whether invented or stolen, Facebook is a brilliant idea (Zuckerberg’s estimated $6.9 billion worth is surely more than enough proof of that). With more than 500 million active users, Facebook has become not just an integral part of our everyday lives, but an indelible element of modern culture. Here are five ways I think Facebook has changed our lives, which you may not have realised:

Exhibitionism

Facebook is the showman’s delight. How else do you explain how a girl hangs out with Banky W at the VIP lounge of Tribeca on Friday night and uploads 77 pictures from the night by 9am the following morning when, considering she had such a blast, she ordinarily should still be reeling from a hangover? She simply wants to show off, that’s why!

With Facebook, you can flaunt (free of charge) anything and everything ranging from the sublime - pictures of holidays with your boo at an exotic tourist destination or you teeing off on a golf course – to the ridiculous – pictures of your customised licence plates or you posing inside a London bus. In case you think uploading pictures is the only means of exhibitionism available on FB, think twice! What about a status update thanking “my baby for giving me the best birthday present ever”? Isn’t that, if we are to be truthful to ourselves, sheer gloating?

The bottom line is that we all love to show off the (few) things we have in life, be it a fine babe, a nice car, Jimmy Choos, a tastefully furnished pad, curvy hips, celebrity friends, or a British Passport. And since the advent of Facebook, self-advertisement has never been easier or cheaper.

You may not believe this, but I know one or two fellas who consider the number of friends they have on Facebook a measure of their popularity or success. Now how about that!

Voyeurism

The traditional voyeur was the guy who crouched at the window of his top-floor room, lights turned off, and peeked through a slit in the drawn curtains in order to see the girl who lived in an apartment in the opposite building undress. That form of voyeurism is now as dated as it is repugnant.

With Facebook, and thanks to the vast majority of its users who are bewilderingly generous with personal information, you get to know that Ada has broken up with her boyfriend (“Ada is now single”); that Tony’s Blackberry Pin is 1290A1Z (because he is stupid enough to display it on his wall); that Funmi was at Basketmouth Uncensored last night and thought it was awesome (what’s on your mind); that Chioma’s boyfriend gave her a treat on her birthday (“Thanks honey! I had a fabulous time. I love you to bits!); that the boy Sandra has been going on and on about all week looks like an orang-utan (thank God she put up his picture; shiooo, de guy no even fine sef!); and that Osagie isn’t all that into her (its complicated); which are things you really had no business knowing except you are pretty chummy with Ada, Tony, Funmi, Chioma, Sandra or Osagie. It’s even worse in the case of those who, either out of ignorance or carelessness, do not make proper use of privacy settings; thereby making the private details of their lives a spectacle for every Tom, Dick and Harry who signs up to Facebook to feast on.

Free Speech

If there’s one good thing (or if you’re an intellectual snob like me, terribly tragic thing) Facebook has done, it’s the democratisation of speech. Thanks to Facebook, anyone and everyone can say anything – even utter nonsense – and be heard. Facebook provides a ready audience for every little, infantile thought that springs to life in our minds.

In the past, the only way publishing your poems could mean more than reading them to your loving, longsuffering spouse and a few kind, accommodating friends was if the poems were good. With Facebook, you can “publish” anything (and I mean “anything” literally) under the guise of “poetry”. No matter how awful the poem is, there’s bound to be some fella who will not only read it but “like” it as well. I am sometimes bewildered by the things I see people “liking” on Facebook; but of course, we are very different people, and as the common saying goes “one man’s meat is another man’s poison”.

Now, any one can reproduce quotations he picked off somewhere – without giving credit to the originator – and pass himself off as witty; generate robust intellectual discourse by raising worn-out posers (“why are Nigerians so corrupt?”) and trigger fierce debates by stirring up some of the oldest myths or controversies on earth (“men are cheats” or “money is all that matters to a woman”).

Facebook has liberalised intellectualism. Wisdom is no longer the exclusive preserve of kings and scholars. Thanks to Facebook, even our dimwit presidential candidates can pass off as intellectuals!

Romance

In the good old days, men had no clue if she was single or hooked but set off bravely in pursuit nonetheless. Today, no thanks to Facebook, except for the extremely foolhardy, seeing she’s proudly “in a relationship” (or worse still, “engaged” or even worse still, “married”) is a convenient excuse to chicken out.

But that’s not all. Facebook has also spawned a generation of cyber stalkers and e-predators, who skulk the web space, looking for men and women with “single” or “it’s complicated” statuses. Fortunately (or unfortunately for the not-so-good looking ones), FB has a wonderful feature called the profile picture to help narrow down your search. That, dear friends, is probably the best thing about Facebook: it provides you with all the tools you need for your due diligence – pictures, friends of friends, alma mater, hobbies etc.

However, as with all things in life, you must shine your eyes even on Facebook. As the FB savvy ones know too well, if he (she) doesn’t have too many pictures, or most of the pictures are distant or night shots, you had better start looking elsewhere.

Boredom

I recall that my first impression of Facebook was that it was the most ingenious invention, since the Playstation, for curing boredom. That (rather cynical) impression has been watered down, mostly due to a realisation of how incredibly useful Facebook is in reminding me of friends’ birthdays I would otherwise have certainly forgotten. Still, considering that some people get on Facebook to declare how tired they are (and there are such people!), there’s no doubt that Facebook is for many, the ultimate boredom killer; and that by feasting on friends’ wall posts, status updates, pictures and notes, some folks are merely seeking for an alternative to their own humdrum, uneventful lives. How else, if I may ask, do you explain someone who is not unemployed or a school dropout getting addicted to Farmville, trying to find out what their names say about them, experimenting with applications that reveal who’s been viewing their profile or such similar nonsense!

Or how else do you explain the solid five to ten minutes you have spent reading this note?