Tejflow: Personality Disorder Facts

1) I am very, very, very, very very, very impatient. (This is prominently more visible when I am behind the wheels driving on the streets of Lagos.)

2) I have road rage. (I know all invectives in existence, both native and foreign and I make use of them when driving on Lagos roads. I mean those danfo drivers are lunatics and unworthy to be on any road! And thankfully I haven't cultivated the habit of giving the middle finger when I want to feel posh or when driving on the island or the "waka" when I am in the suburbs)

3) I am an organized freak. (All or nothing)

4) I'm a complete intellectual snob. I don’t even bother to hide it anymore. (So If I call you my friend, then I'm happy to inform you that you passed the test for stupidity sieve)

5) I believe in looking directly into people' eyes when talking to them. (I consider it a cowardly act when talking to someone and you throw furtive darting looks around like a skulking thief.)

6) I am a sucker for extreme intelligence. And to also be able to speak impeccably? (Honey, you had me at Hello!).

7) People with mood swings are interesting to watch and I find them "BIPOLAR"-ically fascinating. (I can't understand the concept of being happy at 9:00am and by 9:13am, you are sad and by 9:35, you are smiling and when it is 10:00am prompt, the witch of Bel-Air or the people pursuing them from their village decide to come out and start the 4th world war. There needs to be a name and some prescriptive pills for such disorder.)

8) I am a Doubting Thomas. Even when the answer is glaring, I must double check. Scepticism has gotten me this far. (This means I usually see the glass as half empty rather than half full and probably the only person that believes it will rain on a wedding day, thunderstorms with unstoppable showers during a naming ceremony, Sand swirls during an outdoor birthday party or that the plane will not take off on time when zombies are approaching the airport.(world war Z tinzzzz)

9) I am unhealthily hot tempered and it scares the s**t outta me what I am capable of doing during these special fits. (But you have to have been extremely special or very stupid to have ever witnessed me in a rage. The outcome is usually not good)

10) I'm not a reward/money only-motivated person at all. (Which probably explains why I do not have up to ten million naira anywhere, whether property or cash. I believe in passion more than reward. Because at the end of the day, when you love what you do so much and put your best in it, the money will smoothly follow. Abeg o, that I wrote ten million is just to form papaz o and not show the level of my brokeness. Shingbai, I no get for account o. If anyone should throw me to the floor, the only metal clang you will hear will either be the sound of my teeth or my waist belt. Shishi, e no dey. Biko)

11) I have no desire to be filthy rich. (More money comes with peculiar problems that never go away if I may say. I just don’t want to have to choose between paying some bills and buying food to eat. I am also aware this opinion may change when I become as rich as Croesus)

12) I hate seeing people dig into their nose to pull out God knows what, or bite their nails. (They are very filthy habits. Cannibals in training is what comes to mind at such sight.

13) I am tough skinned. (That is to say, it is totally worthless shouting at me as I usually become fascinated by the many veins popping out of your face while your eyes turn red and I see smoke coming out of your ears. Isn't that sight just a beauty to behold!...lol)

14) I am a hopeless romantic. (I won’t even bother to go into details the embarrassing things I have done in the name of love. Just believe I can be soapy where love is concerned. Hey, I almost sang to Hubby during our wedding ceremony, but the horror and embarrassing torment he will face from his friends stopped me. And the fact that my bridal train was not willing to watch the embarrassment my voice will cause him, and them.)

15) I get bored easily & very restless if I must say. Needless to say, I am allergic to b**llshit and can develop a convenient amnesia when you are talking and I simply switch on my look of interested attention while I am probably in another planet. (That's why I stopped watching Indian movies. Kilo fa gbogbo iranu yen mehn?)

16) I can’t tolerate spoilt children with bad manners. (It’s really offensive when some kids lack etiquette and basic courtesy. That should be the first training a mother/father should pass on to their offspring, not a green or red passport, or the latest gadget. Crap! When I meet a child, I am not impressed by the accent they have or the beauty of their clothes or whether they school somewhere expensive. Show me manners and courtesy and I am wowed. And what’s with that nonsense of carrying some children and they just start crying/yelling and will not stop until their folks take them back? Oshisco!)

17) I am probably the only human (sometimes I wonder if I am) left on earth that handle pressure extremely well. (I have always been told I look very bright and sharp at the end of a mind sapping day, with some unhidden accusing glares thrown my way and probably suspecting I "weed" out the stress. Far from it. I have simply decided nothing is worth losing my extremely hot and valuable temper over. Absolutely nothing)

18) I have become too arrogant to tell a lie. (For me lying is a sign of weakness so if I lie to you, it means I fear you and the last time I checked, apart from the flying cockroaches and lizards, I fear no one. It takes boldness and confidence to say the truth and you really have to be special for me to lie to you. No one's worth that stress of trying to remember the lies told. No one.)

19) You have five minutes (actually less than five) to make an impression on me. Kindly ensure your diction is impeccable and you better smell real good while yakking away. (Remember the impatience and restlessness mentioned above? Exactly!)

20) Given the opportunity to choose between career and something else, career will take the trophy. Something else will lose. (All the time and uncontested for that matter)

21) I hate ass kissers, butt lickers. (I think it is really disgusting when you do not tell the people that matter the actual state of things. Really, what's the worst that could happen?)

22) If indulged, I have bullying/manipulative tendencies. (Years spent methodically breaking down situations have given me the ability to understand the different perspectives at play and how they can work together or against each other. I try so much to suppress this part. And no point bringing it out really as Hubby already knows this side of me exists so what's the point. He would have been the perfect victim.)

23) And how can I forget that I have an answer for everything (Jeez, the look on hubby's face when I come up with classic come backs is comical. I am sure the poor guy must have shot me a million times in his mind Sometimes, I feel for him...lol)

24) I have a huge & strong sense of loyalty. I am an apostle of loyalty. Peeps rarely have a second chance at hurting me. Truth is I have never been hurt twice. Ever. Once is enough and then off to the gallows (This means I take betrayal & deceit really seriously. And even when everyone has gotten over it, including the person betrayed, I am still indignant and appalled at the audacity.)

25) I believe I am knowledgeable of all around me & smart with ability to deal with any situation whatsoever. Some call it being eclectic. (Was actually just trying to eat the humble pie. I KNOW I am knowledgeable and smart)

26) When I am in an embarrassing situation or very upset, I stammer very badly and my speech becomes slightly impeded. (I speak very articulately and carefully because of this especially when I am upset. The first time Hubby saw this side of me, he almost had a fit and nearly collapsed out of guilt. He tries not to upset me any more though and boy, do I take advantage of it!)

27) I am good at playing politics when the situation calls for it. I believe sometimes it pays to be under estimated. That way people don't see you coming. (I learnt this from Hubby)

28) I have actually doled out tips in the past (This, I also learnt from Hubby. News Flash: He is a very bad influence) even though I don’t believe in tipping. I am of the opinion that, this was how bribery and corruption began, people expecting to be tipped for a service they have already been paid to do.

29) I am saving towards spending a weekend at the Beverly Hills Hotel someday. ALONE!!!! (I don’t want anyone dulling my shine when I finally get to meet Idris Elba, Ryan Gosling, Ashton Kutcher, Ryan Reynolds, George Clooney, Channing Tatum, Gerard Butler & Hugh Jackman)

30) When I am speaking with a foreigner, my accent automatically switches between British, American and French. (Don’t I wish!!! Hubby says I simply sound like a confused compact disc player and he is certain the person I am speaking to will be worried that I am about to break out in the Windeck dance)

31) Almost everything in my life either falls under extreme organization or total disarray, no middle-ground. As I grew older, it got worse. (Ironically, I married my exact opposite.)

32) If I hadn't met hubby, I am fairly certain I will not have gotten married any time within the next 10years. (Yup, I cherish my space, freedom and privacy too much.)

33) My level of independence scares me and it will probably take lots of years to depend on someone. ( I take some decisions alone at times before remembering the ring on my finger.)

34) I laugh a lot and find humour in the most mundane things, especially sarcasm. (I am attracted to anything/anyone with a freaking huge sense of humour with plenty dashes of sarcasm here & there. Hubby says I am just a sad person. He hates sarcasm)

35) I used to detest smokers. And that smell, gosh! (Not any more by the way for some reasons best known to me. And nope, I do not smoke).

36) There's no excuse for cheating, really. Which is why I usually find it extremely hilarious when a cheating partner is caught and says “It’s not what you think dear”. Lmaoo (When you are caught, face it squarely joor and be ready to suffer the consequences. Coming up with pitiful lies makes you appear weak & disposable. You can cheat but cannot face the blame? Come on! Ode somebody)

37) I'm not as tough as people think. (I have an extremely mushy soft side that cry during touchy scenes in India films and Titanic and even at times when I am being shouted on.)

38) I am a huge contradiction of myself and I refuse to believe I am confused or slightly schizophrenic...Yaba Left tinzzzz (I am shy but very outgoing, happy in my own company but still need some sort of approval from others sometimes, healthy in some areas and unhealthy in some others, I am quiet yet can be boisterous when need be, I like the concept of entrepreneurship, but I also like the firm structure of a 9-5 career, and so many other contradictory stuffs.)

39) I am an optimist and a pessimist, all rolled up in one. (I believe that the wedding will hold but that it will rain when the couple is about to dance into the venue. I believe that the awards night event will hold but the compère will fall flat on her face while ascending the podium and other unbelievable optimistic yet embedded in pessimism thoughts.)

40) I love difficult tasks. (The more difficult, the more it holds my interest. Challenge accepted!)

41) I love to cook but can't eat it afterwards ( seriously who does that, spend hours cooking and then eating something else afterwards?)

42) I love to read novels, watch movies and listen to music AT THE SAME TIME( maybe it's because I have the attention span of a mosquito.)

43) Any man can be wooed/seduced, no matter the relationship status. Yup, that's the truth.(Just takes the right, or the wrong woman in some certain situations)

44) There is a feminist hidden somewhere in me. (No explanation. I just know.)

45) I don’t like alcohol. There’s no reason for this. I just don’t.

46) I know that my life is going to encounter a series of extremely positive events in the next 36 months. (nope, not a soothsayer but I will simply be reaping from where/what I am currently sowing)

47) I can be self-absorbed and selfish if/when I want/choose to be. “If you are not taking care of yourself, you will definitely not be in a position to help any other person. What you do not have, you can certainly not give”. (Loool. That’s a quote I use whenever I want to justify my selfishness)

I was actually aiming for 50 disorders by the way. But after this surmise, I would leave you to fill in the last 3 qualities you think I may have and then let me know..

Outta here...